Happy Anniversary

It is a busy Monday morning at work and I am supposed to be catching up on all the stuff I didn’t get to on Friday. But this weekend is fresh in my mind, so I want to get it all down. Our 14th wedding anniversary is on Tuesday and we go to our honeymoon spot—Long Beach peninsula in Washington—every year to celebrate. We planned ahead a little bit this year, so we were able to get a yurt (a round camping cabin) at Cape Disappointment. There usually aren’t any yurts left because our anniversary usually falls on the same weekend as the Cranberry Festival, but for some reason there were still yurts available when I booked one in August.

Despite our best efforts to leave town at a decent hour, we were not ready to get on the road until well after dark, so we decided to just stay home Friday evening. The kids had no school Friday, Rick did not work and I took the afternoon off. But after grocery shopping, packing, the boys’ paper routes and a late dinner out… we got home after dark and remembered that the trailer lights weren’t working. Rick was not willing to drive without the lights (we got pulled over on our way home from the last trip) so he started working on them. By the time he was done it was pretty late. We figured we would not be able to get a key for the yurt and our beds are so much more comfortable….

And the best part: the kids had a blast playing hide and seek or was it tag? in the front yard while Rick worked on the trailer. And they were happy to go to sleep in there warm, cozy beds. I got online to try and figure our reservation out. I wanted to just get a phone number to see how late we could get a key. When I looked up the reservation, I saw the total price for the yurts and realized why there were so many available so late in the season. The yurts in Washington are $65 a night!?!??! A hotel on the peninsula is less than that!!! I didn’t look at the total price when I made the reservation. I just assumed it’d be around $30/night, like always! After seeing the price, I was motivated to get the reservation changed, since we would not be going Friday night. I explored my options and figured that I could just cancel the whole thing, get our money back, and then pay for Saturday night when we got there.

We got up early-ish Saturday morning and headed out first thing. The office (with the yurt key) did not open until 9am, so we went straight to the yurt to cook breakfast on the porch. While I drove the campground crazy cooking bacon, Rick went up to the office to check in. The ranger guy was having trouble figuring out how to cancel/re-reserve the site, so he sent Rick back to camp with the yurt key and reassurances that he’d figure it out later and let us know. While we ate breakfast and settled into the yurt (and Rick tarped off half the campsite in the rain) one of the park staff stopped by and let us know that the ranger guy figured it out and we could stop by the office later. On our way to town for the day we stopped by the office, as instructed. Then the ranger told us our original reservation was non-refundable and by not showing up on Friday night, we forfeited the entire reservation. Then he said that the “new” reservation for Saturday would be $65. But we’d already paid for that night—and the night before! So, we decided to go pack up, then spend the day on the peninsula and head home that night.

About 45 minutes later, we were just about finished packing up when Rick jokingly said, “Now that we’re all packed up, I bet the ranger guy will come tell us that he was mistaken and that we can stay.” Sure enough, about 2 minutes later, the ranger guy showed up and told us just that! He felt bad about having us go, so he made some phone calls and they decided to let us stay in the yurt that night for “no charge” (remember, we’ve already paid for two nights here!) Anyway, we decided to at least leave the trailer and some bulky items at camp and either stay the night or come get it all on our way home.

We then went to Long Beach for the day. We played in the arcade. We bought a pound and half of fudge. We got ice cream. I found a new fabric store!!! So, I got some fabric to add to my collection. (At Rick’s suggestion 14 years ago, I’ve been collecting fabric—1/4 yard at a time—every year. When I have enough, I will make an anniversary quilt. But a few years ago, the fabric store closed! So, I’ve gone fabricless for a few years. Now I’m back in business!) We had pizza and scrumptious sandwiches and chowder for lunch. We drove out to Oceanpark—the northern end of the peninsula and picked up some groceries for dinner. We stopped at the yarn store and Sarah picked out some pink yarn for a hat and scarf. (I started and finished a hat for myself on the trip, so Sarah wanted one for herself, too. When I got that done, Gabriel asked me: “Do you have any blue yarn?” I also worked on Elijah’s purple blanket.) We drove out on the beach for a little while, but the sand was way too fluffy and we really had no business out on the sand in that whether… Did I mention that it was raining ALL DAY Saturday?! In fact, we usually hike at Lead Better State Park, but we were not in any mood to be outside that day, so we skipped it.

When we got back to the campsite, Rick started a fire, Luke made friends with the little boy next door, and I made yummy camping dinner. I just made top ramen, camping toast, a bagged salad kit and sautéed vegetables. Simple food, but it tastes so good when we’re outside! After dinner, we ate lots of that fudge. I washed dishes while the kids played hide and seek in the yurt (basically they just turned off the light, screamed and giggled a lot). Then we all crashed in warm, dry, fairly comfortable yurt beds.

It rained and rained and rained all night long. The raccoons tried to make away with our cooler. I had to go to the bathroom way too many times for camping. Then we woke up to a beautiful dry day. We had a fabulous breakfast in town and then climbed around on the jetty, under a perfect blue sky. We saw seals (or sea lions?) playing in the surf. I got sprayed by a wave—Sarah got SOAKED! Then, on our way home, Rick found some cash in the van’s sun visor that my mom had given us for our trip to Hawaii… What a weekend!

What I love most about this weekend—aside from spending it with my 5 most favorite people—is that it all worked out. We spent way too much money. We didn’t get out of town when we wanted to. The weather totally sucked. There were complications and surprises and changes in the plan more times than I can remember. And it all worked out. The kids rolled with it and just enjoyed the ride. Rick and I stayed calm and pleasant with each other the entire time. I don’t even think either of us got irritated by the chaos. The weekend was such a microcosm of our marriage and family. Shit happens. Things don’t always turn out like we wanted. Plans change. The weather usually sucks. And we all have a good time together, despite it all. Then we wake up to sunny skies and are a better family for it. Things have not always been this way—does anyone remember Vernonia Happy Days?! Or the cabin in La Pine??!?!? But Rick and I are growing as a couple. Our children are growing as siblings and as individuals. Life is good. Not always smooth and flawless. Well, never smooth and flawless. But rich and wonderful!

Happy 14th Anniversary Schmoopy! I love you…

Life's Tough

There are days when my life is so perfect, I almost feel guilty for somehow steeling joy from others. On other days, I feel like I do more than humanly possible, only to be put upon to do more. Today was one of those days. I made the mistake of agreeing to make 8 custom-fitted dresses for an upcoming wedding. I have a husband, four kids, a full-time job and a life. What was I thinking?! I have made a rough schedule for myself over the next several days, mapping out what will be done on the dresses each day. I am keeping up on the regular household chores. I am mothering my children. Nurturing my marriage. Playing with my friends. Fulfilling my Church calling. And even spoiling my Job Corps students.

This afternoon I actually felt elated by the sheer volume of tasks I am able to accomplish in a 24-hour period. And then I returned to work for my evening shift and was met with a totally self-absorbed, completely insensitive young woman who was put out that I made brownies instead of maraschino cherry cake. She made her displeasure known to the entire group. This is a student with whom I am close, which is probably why it bothered me so much. When I dislike a person, I pay little attention to their opinions. But I have invested a lot into my relationship with this young lady. And she was a total terd! I was pissed! Then hurt. And now resolved to accept that this job is not always as rewarding as I’d like it to be. And that the real work is being done within the walls of my own home.

Of course, then that send me down the I-wish-I-could-still-be-home-with –my-kids road… and that’s a painful ride. BUT, the bills don’t pay themselves, so here I am, stuck at work on an evening I’d rather be home with my family. My groups are done. My paperwork is all caught up. And still I sit here, in this tiny office, all alone. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my alone time. But I have kids at home who really need me and for whom I can do more good than my students. Like I said, most days I am overwhelmed by the blessedness of my life. Tonight I’m just a little uneasy with my paying job. I miss my kids and my husband and my home. Oh, woe is me…

20-year High School Reunion...

Friday night was my 20-year high school reunion. 20 years?! I don’t feel like I’m much older than 20 years, most of the time. But there I was, with fellow graduates, catching up on 10-20 years (some of us attended the 10-year reunion a decade ago) of memories. The best part of the evening was catching up with my best friend from Jr High and meeting her charming husband. I also enjoyed seeing faces I barely recognized and of course, hanging out with the friends I’ve stayed close to all these years. The worst part about the reunion was being one of the biggest girls there. What more can I say? Being over-weight is rarely fun….

Two things were remarkable to me as I scanned the crowd of familiar and not-so-familiar faces… The men, for the most part, looked really really old. Mostly because of bald heads. And the women, for the most part, had all dyed their hair blonde. It was actually difficult to recognize a lot of people because of their drastically different hair-do’s. Another remarkable thing (I guess there were more than 2…) was this: Jonah and Chris W. looked virtually unchanged and still cute (and completely aware of their affect on the ladies) as can be. Some things never change.

There was, as expected, a lot of drinking going on. As the evening wore on and I watched more and more people stagger and slur, I started to worry that there were not enough designated drivers in the group. I just don’t spend much time around people who drink too much. Most of my family is LDS, lots of friends don’t drink (Mormon and non) and my husband (I sure hope) has learned NOT to get drunk in my presence. The effects of alcohol on a person’s functioning can be startling. And sometimes amusing. But mostly just annoying. And sad.

The dinner was tasty. Standard buffet dinner. Rolls with butter, fruit, Caesar salad (with super yummy croutons), steamed veggies (I do not eat enough cauliflower), chicken breast with wild rice and prime rib. I took one plate of food, filled mostly with fruit and veggies. I ate every delicious bite and that was it. I was done after that. No second (or third) helpings. No dessert. 2 Pepsi’s and a virgin Mai Tai (okay, folks, I just had to look that up on the internet. I didn’t know how to spell Mai Tai). I also had 2 diet pills that day, so my drive home was effortless….

I made it home right after 2am. Everyone seemed quite shocked that I was driving home (2 hours away) that night. But when I spoke with my friends the next day, many of them stayed out until 1am or later, getting them to bed around the same time as me… Granted, they had less of a commute, so less chance of wrapping themselves around a tree. But I did fine. I rocked out on my iPod (no stereo in my Barneymobile) and actually had a little trouble winding down when I climbed into bed. My arrival woke Rick up, so we chatted for a few minutes. But then it still took my mind several minutes to shut down. The Pepsi and diet pills might have had something to do with that…

The next day, the family piled into the van and we drove back to Beaverton for my grade school reunion at Raleigh Park Elementary School. It was pretty darn fun. The school playground looks totally different… Go figure-it’s been 25 years! But there was still the metal jungle gym and monkey bars. Although, they were a lot taller when were in school there. A handful of Raleigh Park alumni showed up with their spouses and children.

A small group of us girls have stayed close all these years (we’re actually the ones who organized this event) and we frequently kid around about the boys we liked. TJ, the boy I had a massive crush on, was there. It was a little strange, but totally nice to chat with him on an adult level, without all the butterflies. Another heart throb from grade school, Troy, was also there. Both men were very friendly guys…. So much more approachable than they were in 6th grade!

It was fun to meet spouses, to hear what everyone has been up to, to watch our children play together in the same school yard we played together in. And it was awesome to see the walls come down. Even with all the drinking, there were still a lot of walls up at the high school reunion the night before. (Although, I am happy to report that the girl who was RUDE to me at the 10-year, for reasons unknown to me, actually said “hi” and hugged me at the 20-year) That wasn’t really the case at the grade school. We were just a group of old friends, getting together to chat and eat and enjoy one another. We were all grown ups. Weird!!

And the best part…. It won’t end there. We plan on making this reunion thing a regular event. Every summer. Reliving our youth. I’m curious to see how much more ‘blonde’ hair we will be seeing over the next decade, until we all meet up again for the 30-year high school reunion. But that’s a long way off…

Diet Pills

So, I participated in Weight Watchers online for over a year. I lost 10 lbs. At first, this was acceptable to me… A slow, steady decline on the scale was awesome. I am 10 lbs lighter than I was a year ago. I am heading in the right direction. But then I hit a plateau. I would lose and gain back the same four pounds, week after week. THAT was AWFUL! Then I hurt my back, and I’ve been off track ever since. I am still not exercising like I did before my back injury. I have started walking with the kids in the evenings, so I am getting back on it, but with summer and all the trips we’re taking, I feel like I have no time to exercise, no energy to cook anything and too tired to get up early to work out. I can’t bring myself to use the Weight Watcher’s website. I’m sick of recording everything I eat.

So, I have started taking diet pills. I have been adamant about not taking anything like that. It’s expensive, dangerous, unhealthy, addictive and has seemed like cheating to me. BUT, I can’t do this on my own. I am addicted to over-eating. My eating habits are already unhealthy. So, I am trying this… I asked a friend about her experience with diet pills. “Psychotic” is the word she used to describe how they made her feel. It was nice to get an honest perspective. And I love that she gave me her report without trying to talk me out of it. It was refreshing to have an adult conversation with her about something so controversial.

I spent about 20 minutes in the store, reading all the labels before deciding on a product. That stuff is expensive! I picked one that seems to have a lot of “natural” ingredients—whatever that means! It seems to be working, though. I am eating less when I take it. (Cousin Camp sort of threw me off. The food options are not all that healthy. I will have to bring my own next year—I definitely need more whole grains and fiber in my day!) I think I will plan to take a few days off every week, just so I don’t overload my system. And really focus on the days I need it most—weekends and upcoming events like dinner out with family and my high school reunion. I do feel a little dizzy and I am thirsty. But if it helps me stop eating so much and lose some weight, then it’s worth it to me!

Cousin Camp 2010: Under the Big Top

I know I am supposed to be blogging about my trip to Hawaii, but I just got back from cousin camp and I want to get it all out. Cousin camp was surprisingly smooth and calm this year. I really worked myself up into a frenzy about it before going, so maybe just the reality of the situation being less stressful than my fears was enough. But I think there was more to it than that.

First of all, the children are getting older, more helpful and independent, easier to work with and just more mature. That alone makes everything easier! Another factor was that Kala no longer lives in Camas, so it’s not her home being invaded. I think that takes a lot of pressure off of her. Also with her not living here, she has delegated the load to the rest of us, which really needed to happen years ago. But she has such a hard time letting go…. Now she is finally able to do so.

Lawan was in charge of the crafts this year and it went great. Kala is still in charge of the food and she has it down to a science. We had more gluten free options for Sarah this year, as Kala’s daughter is also gluten free. We did miss the GF pancakes, though… A mistake we will not be making again next year! I did the shirts again—I LOVE that job! The older kids were a great help this year, too. The teenagers can help run craft groups and Mikyla was a huge help to grandma in the kitchen. And the bigger boys are great at leading games and fun activities with all the younger kids.

The weather was awesome this year, so the kids got to take full advantage of the pool. And everything stayed dry because it wasn’t raining on us! This year’s theme was circus—under the big top, and it was fine. I think the kids are really growing up and away from the themes… We’ve batted around the idea of “robots” for next year… The kids can build robots out of boxes and stuff like that. Maybe we can even skip the whole Oriental Trading thing!?

No More Babies on Board...

Okay, I know I’m supposed to be blogging about Hawaii (before I forget all those details) but I had a strange dream last night. Often times, I have lucid dreams—I am aware, while I am dreaming, that my body is laying in bed asleep and the images I am seeing are in my mind. Other times, my dreams seem so real that I wake up worried and wondering. You know, dreams where your spouse cheats on you and you wake up totally pissed off? This morning I had one such dream. But not about infidelity. And not about Rick.

In my dream I still had my first car—Sassy B. She was a 1980’s Toyota Corolla Wagon. I was driving around in Las Vegas, visiting my college roommate Amy (who has lived in Idaho for like five years now). Two of my kids were buckled up in the back, Luke and Elijah. Sarah was in the front seat. Gabriel was not with us. He was at camp, which he is this week. Above Sarah, buckled into the seat, was a baby car seat with Luke as an infant in it. When I saw him, I immediately thought, “Oh my gosh, I haven’t seen him in so long. I haven’t been taking care of him. I haven’t held him or fed him or changed him in like forever.” My dream went on in weirdness, as dreams do. At one point I was walking with a random Job Corps student. We both had luggage and we were on our way to the airport in Vegas. I thought I knew the way because I had gone there so many times to visit Amy (We always drove down from Provo. I don’t think I was ever in the Vegas airport in college.). We were hiking up these long, gravel roads to get there and I got lost. I couldn’t figure out how to get back, so I called Amy. She showed up and lead the way, past a large pink, marble building which she reminded me was the location of her wedding reception (Her reception was in a Mormon church building. Not pink. No marble.) Anyway….

What really got to me about the dream is that I woke up feeling like I had been neglecting Luke. Like I really hadn’t held him or spent any time caring for him. I even sort of felt like he was still an infant. At first, I was afraid that the dream was telling me to spend more time with a child I’ve been neglecting. This really had me worried because I’ve already lost this kid—literally—a couple times before. And he’s the youngest, so he is already naturally getting less from me than his siblings before him at the same age. I’ve also already lost a baby in infancy, so I am prone to bouts of seemingly inexplicable mourning.

But then as I started to really wake up and go about my morning, I was able to process the dream. Luke is 5 years old now. He starts kindergarten next month! We went school clothes shopping yesterday. Carter’s and Osh Kosh were having a great sale, with a coupon I could piggyback on the sale (but I digress—screaming deals on kids’ clothes is a blog all it’s own!) Anyway, both of these stores are only good up to a certain age/size. So, my dream was not about my lack of parenting. It was about my loss… I am losing my babies. Luke has completely mastered potty training this summer--He wears undies to bed and wakes up dry (WHOOP WHOOP). He is not asking for “babas” (warm milk in a sippy cup). All the kids did such a great job of self-managing at cousin camp this year! Gabriel is away at his first boy scout camp… for a whole week! The kids are growing up. I’ve lost my babies.

I love that my children are growing up. I’m done with bottles and binkies and diapers. That is totally awesome! But there’s a part of me that mourns the loss of that tiny, little baby I saw in the car seat last night in my dream. I held that baby in my arms and didn’t want to let go. It brings tears to my eyes now to think that I will never have those teeny, tiny infants in my arms again. I don’t even really like babies. They are so high maintenance! But I will miss them nonetheless. I look forward to watching them continue to grow and mature and amaze the world. And I look back on their beginnings with fondness and a small sense of loss. Now I know why grandmas are so irrationally gaga over their grandbabies! But Gabriel’s only 12 years old, so I figure I’ve got more than a decade to wait for that adventure… maybe I should start making baby blankets now…

Hawaii Blog #1

Our family took the trip of a lifetime to Hawaii. The purpose of the trip was to attend the wedding of a dear friend, Katrina, and her husband Aaron. Since this was the whole point of the trip, I guess I’ll start here.

Aaron and Katrina were married on the beach, in a city park called Ewa (eva) Beach on the island of Oahu. The ceremony was right on the sand, just feet from the mighty Pacific Ocean. Along with my family (the only non-family members in attendance), Aaron’s parents and sister were there. Katrina’s mom, dad, bio-dad, maternal grandparents, sister and her family, aunt Daintry (the gracious hostess of the whole event), aunt Sarah & cousin Parker, uncle Rick & his family, plus Aaron & Katrina’s children Kaden and Raven were all there.

Katrina is Baha’i (a non-Christian religion formed in the middle east in the 1800’s) and Aaron is Christian. Much of Katrina’s family is Baha’i but her bio dad (who was in attendance) is Christian. In the Baha’i faith, parental consent from all living parents is a required element. In Hawaii, specifically, written permission is required. Katrina’s dad, Randy, was not thrilled with the idea of giving written permission to a non-Christian religious organization. It seems to me that his concerns were based in fear and ignorance. I think he simply did not want to admonish his own beliefs and give credence to an “invalid” religion. He made these reservations known a few days prior to Katrina’s departure and she was in a panic about the whole thing. Randy finally agreed. He not only provided his written consent, he also attended and participated in the ceremony. The two faiths were beautifully incorporated into the wedding. Each parent shared a little from his/her faith. Aaron and Katrina wrote their own vows and were able to choke them out to one another without too much crying. I was crying the whole time, holding the hand of my own betrothed, watching our children play in the sand during the ceremony. It was a wonderful moment in my life. I always enjoy celebrating someone’s marriage with the love of my own family around me.

Many coworkers and students have asked how the wedding was… the most common question being: Was Katrina beautiful? I find this to be a ridiculously silly question. Katrina IS beautiful. She could wake up in an alleyway, covered in filth and still be beautiful. So, of course, with a formal wedding gown, her hair and make-up done just so and the glow of a new bride—she was gorgeous. But in my eyes, and hopefully Aaron’s, she didn’t look any more or less stunning than she always is…

Now, on to the funny part of the ceremony… Katrina has yelled at me several times about my rendition of the tale! Katrina planned to come into the ceremony on an outrigger, but the surf was rough and the boat guys discouraged her from doing this, so Katrina just walked down the beach toward Aaron, with all of us lining the walkway. After the ceremony, Aaron and Katrina took a ride out on the canoe and Aaron got a Splash Mountain wave right in the face. His beige, linen suit was wet in the front and a little awkward for photos… Then Katrina took the boat out by herself (with the large Hawaiian rowers, too, of course). The plan was to edit the wedding video that will be played at the reception such that it appears Katrina came into the ceremony on the outrigger and the newlywed couple went out together after the ceremony. BUT (this is the part I got yelled at for sharing) … the boat sank! A wave hit the canoe just right and it filled with water. Katrina was standing in the Pacific Ocean, in a formal wedding gown, up to her neck in the surf. I thought it was a splendid ending to an otherwise perfect wedding day! And it makes a great story to tell, whether the bride agrees with me or not!…

Whatever...

My friends have been bugging me to blog, so here I am. I don’t have anything in particular on my mind to blog about. But I figure something will come up eventually. So, if I just sit here and ramble on about nothing, maybe something interesting will come out of my fingers….

I am plugging right along on my weight watchers program. The weight loss is extremely slow, but I refuse to give up. Because regardless of the speed, I can either move up the scale or down. So a slow downward direction is just fine with me! it certainly beats the alternative.

Recently, my cycle has been really messing up my weight. I have started weighing in periodically during the week on my Wii, instead of just Monday mornings. It’s nice to see my progress mid-week. It actually keeps me more accountable to myself. If the numbers start to inch up mid-week, I know I’ve got to pull in the reigns on my eating. And if the numbers are going down, I am motivated to keep the reigns in on my eating. BUT, two months in a row now I have run into this HUGE problem. On Saturday morning, after a week of watching the scale go down, I weigh in 2 lbs lighter than Monday morning (my official WW weigh-in day). This is great to see and it is motivational. But then, Monday morning I weigh-in at almost 4 lbs higher (which, if you are doing the math, is 2 lbs more than the previous week!) I know this is water gain because of the ensuing visit from my least favorite Aunt. But you’d think, then, that the next week would be crazy low….. It’s not working that way! I seem to keep losing the same 4 lbs, over and over again. It’s like Weight Watchers meets Groundhog Day, only not so funny.

I have changed my exercise routine… Well, it changed on it’s own, really. My elliptical broke, so I have needed to do something else instead. I am doing step aerobics on my Wii board, using hand weights. I am doing a toning exercise tape. And I’m back to hula hoop on the Wii—it’s great for strengthening my back muscles. Plus, I have started “dieting” on the weekends. The weekends are notoriously my worst days, so I have started putting effort into making Saturday and Sunday my lightest days of the week. We’ll see how that goes long-term!

Regardless of this roller coaster ride on the scale, I am seeing a change in my shape. A now skinny friend gave me some of the clothes she has since out-grown (she’s on the jack-ass diet—her husband’s a jack-ass!!) and I can now fit into a pair of pants that were too tight a few months ago…. And I can wear Rick’s Dr. Pepper t-shirt. (He only thinks he wants me to lose weight… When I start stealing his cute t-shirts, he might start bringing home DQ blizzards! His “I {heart} cows” one is next!)

A few of my favorite things...

I was talking with a friend the other day about her blog. She is going through some very trying, but very personal things in her life, so she does not feel like a public blog would be appropriate in her life right now. That reminded me of the journal jar I got at some church function many years ago. This jar is filled with journaling ideas that could be used as blog entry ideas. (The jar has been sitting on my computer cabinet for years and I finally dusted it off today and took it to work--where I do most of my blogging... shhhhhh!) Without even cracking the vault, I came up with a blog topic on my own today... And I'm actually blogging from home tonight.

My blog idea (please feel free to life my idea for your own blog entry) is to list things that I love. And not just the standard answers like my family, God, sunshine, blah, blah, blah. But with that said, here are a few of my favorite things...

my family. god. sunshine. the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking. and bread baking. and turkey baking. food. eating food. shopping. the sound of Luke playing. laughter. good music, like Nickleback, Pink, 80's. sewing. scrapbooking for hours at a time. mulitple orgasms (like I wouldn't include that one, guys! come on--remember who's blog you're reading!). paying the bills. sushi. jeans. going barefoot. swimming in warm water. being tan. when wii eva tells me I've lost weight. beating rick at chess. soup. steamed cabbage. loyal friends. intelligence. watching my favorite shows, like the office, 24, heroes, survivor, battlestar galactica, friends, lost. christie brinkley. getting lost in a good book. pedicures. having my hair played with. massages. blasting the music and singing along in the car. gabriel's smile. elijah's eyes. sarah's hair. luke's eye lashes. rick's butt. my hair. the totally cool burn stuff rick put on my finger that stopped the pain and healed my blister fast. rootbeer (not the dog, the soda). ice cream, almost any flavor. a good work out. a clean bathroom. washing dishes. my laminate floors, when they are swept. costco samples. walmart prices. fabric. onion rings dipped in good ranch dressing. playing blokus with my kids. changing seasons. capri pants weather. sourdough bread. cheese. colors, especially green. photos. building legos. holidays. paid vacation days. when my kids listen the first time. kissing. my house. roberta (the dog, not the soda).

Lame, but hey, whatever!

I don't really have any new, inspiring words to share. I am really just waiting for Rick's blue tooth to charge so I can unplug it before the Nyquil kicks in. I am sick AGAIN. I have been sick more often since working at Job Corps than I ever was running a day care. Those darn Job Corps students have cooties or something!

Tonight at work we watched "the Outsiders" for two of our counseling groups. We were inspired to watch it on the suggestion of a student... And a co-worker who recently told me to "stay gold, pony boy". I remember just loving that movie as a kid. And the boys were all so cute! It's amazing to look back and see them after watching their careers for the last 20 years. Patrick Swayze and all his movies... then his battle with cancer. Tom Cruise and his dramatic life. Rob Lowe, Emilio Estavez, Ralph Macchio, Tommy Howell (he was in 24 one season and on ER one time--both creepy roles).

We recently got all the Karate Kid movies for our kids to watch. And I think I'll get the Outsiders book for Gabriel, and then we can watch the movie! Right now Elijah is reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid so he can watch the movie. Makes me want to watch Stand By Me and Red Dawn again, too! We just watched Ghostbusters the other night--that is a weird movie. And the special effects are awful!

Well, the Nyquil is starting to take effect... bye bye sore throat! Type to you later, all! Good night...

April Fools

I have been wanting to blog for days now, but I never have the time... Well, Rick just went to bed and I hate going to bed the same time he does because we just end up talking and then he doesn't get enough sleep and that stresses me out... And I'm irritated with him, so I'd rather hang out with my qwerty than my schmoopy tonight.

So, my blog idea for the week is one that I have been debating about all week. For those of you who know me (which is a really stupid thing to write in a blog read by only people who know me!), this may come as a surprise. But I am trying to be a little more polished in my life, so the following topic may not be in line with my new goals. But sometimes delicate matters just need to be brought out into the open. Why am I trying to be more polished, do you ask? Because the world is full of crass, rude, incondsiderate people. It takes more effort to be refined, so I'm giving it a try. No one watching me would probably be able to see a decernable difference, but as long as I know it's there, then I'm doing okay I guess... And maybe if my kids catch me cussing less often, then that's a good thing, too.

So, the controvertial topic? Periods. They suck... I hate them. I hate everything about them. And now that I am done baring children, they are nothing less than ritualized torture. For everyone. The cramps and mess aren't even the worst of it. It's the pre-menstral part that's the kicker... And what is that anyway?! Menstration isn't bad enough? We've got to have PRE-menstration, too!!?!?

It's like a week of doom before the bomb explodes. The mood swings. The pre-cramp cramps. The weight gain! 3-5 lbs?! That's just not fair. I have decided to stop weighing myself during the week of my period. It's never accurate and my hormones are so out of whack that I can not think rationally about the situation. I just see a huge weight gain in a week's time and feel like a huge, insane, bloated whale.

The mood swings seem to be getting worse for me. I know when I'm in the middle of one, and there's a part of my brain that recognizes that my perception is totally skewed, but that small part of my brain is kept hostage by this maniacal, hysterical, sub-human creature. This beastly woman can not reason. She has no compassion or patience. She sees only malicous intent and evil-doers. She can't even do math! And I'm a prisoner to her power. She frightening and completely vulnerable at the same time. And she's got my body and mind in bondage. And she's mothering my children in my place. And managing my home and my marriage. It's terrifying...

And the cramps. If it's not bad enough that my mind is an irrational surge of emotion, hormones and cravings... My uterus is squeezing my insides with no mercy. It's like a scary, little Gestapo woman has entered my womb "vith vays of making me talk!"

And Heaven help the innocent by-stander who has no idea of the war waging inside this seemingly rational human being in front of them. One wrong word and I'm either crying or throwing punches or stone-cold silent. And the question was as simple as "paper or plastic, ma'am?"

Why must I continue to endure this retched torture? What purpose does it serve? It reminds my children that I don't love them that much. It gives my husband something to fear. And it makes me believe that PMS could be a valid plea in court, after all...

Stress is so stressful

Well, the media issue has exploded in my home. I made the mistake of telling Rick how much I hate that he stares at a screen all the time. He's totally pissed at me, though I'm not sure exactly what for. He's not speaking to me right now. But he did leave a note informing me that cable and netflix are both cancelled. I guess someone will have to tell me who wins Survivor this season. And I don't know what I will do about exercise DVD's from Netflix. And I expect we will be planning our Hawaii trip via notes.

Having Rick mad at me is the most uncomfortable feeling. It honestly feels as bad as losing a loved one. I am totally lost. This sucks.

And to top it all off, Gabriel is having a really hard time in school and I feel completely powerless to help him. There are days that being a wife and mother really sucks! This is one of those days...

written 03-08-10

This morning I started reading a magazine article about the threat of electronics chipping away at family time. Reading this was like preaching to the choir with me. If I could have my way, the screens in my house would only be on the windows! Don’t get me wrong—I enjoy a good movie or fun TV show. I have even been known to use the TV as a babysitter on a fairly regular basis. But it seems that every time I turn around, someone is plugged into something. And I have a pretty tight reign on the screen time in my family!

I watch at least 45 minutes of TV a day—I watch DVD’s while working out in the mornings. I am, of course, on my computer at work all day long. I love watching Survivor with my family every Thursday. And I enjoy watching movies on the weekends. Sometimes. If there isn’t something better to do. And that’s just it. I can almost always find something better to do with my time.

I’m not a total TV Nazi… My kids like to watch the PBS afternoon line-up or Malcolm in the Middle. An hour or so of that is fine, especially when they are winding down after school. Luke loves Dinosaur Train on PBS in the mornings. Again, a quick half hour show is a nice little break. I can even get behind Rick’s desire to have a movie from Netflix every weekend.

Unfortunately, my family is watching way more than what I have just described! Way more!!! And it really shows on the weekends when I’m home with them. They are asking left and right to get on the computer or to turn on the TV or to go to the movie store. Gabriel is now our live-in babysitter (I know, it’s awesome!) and we have just by chance always had a Netflix DVD available on the nights we’ve gone out. Well, we didn’t have one this weekend and Gabriel didn’t know what he was going to do with himself (and his siblings) without that glowing box! They ended up playing a Wii tournament while Rick and I were gone. What ever happened to building Legos together? I know I’ve spent a small fortune on them! Or a board game? Or, heaven forbid, playing outside?!

On Sunday we had stake conference at church. That means the meeting is only 2 hours long instead of three, but we don’t split into classes. The whole 2 hours are spent in one room. On hard chairs. Not the most fun for a kid—or an adult for that matter. This is the first weekend I’ve ever taken my kids to stake conference. I guess I’m just out of excuses not to go. And it was in Astoria instead of Longview, so there was no good reason to skip. Anyway, I totally prepped the kids. We had a bag full of quiet activities to keep them occupied. Not 15 minutes into the meeting, and the boys start whining about “is it over yet?” Finally I warned Gabriel that we’re gonna be on a flight to Hawaii (yeah, I’ll get to that) for SIX hours! So, he’d better get used to just sitting. You can guess what his response was… “They let you play video games on the plane. And there’s movies.”

What the heck did people do before the glowing boxes were invented?! I’ve got 4 kids and a husband addicted to the screen. Computer. Television. Wii. DS. It. Drives. Me. Crazy! There is a whole, wide world out there and my family is missing it. There’s a whole, wide world right in our own home and my family is missing it! What am I gonna do when they all get older and more demanding and harder to entertain?!

And you know what’s really sad? It does not take much effort or creativity to entertain kids, at least not mine. Last night we ate dinner together and then Rick went to bed really early. (Which is a good thing.) So Gabriel sat on the chair in the living room whining about nothing to do. A part of me wanted to make him clean his room, but I stepped away from the computer (No, I did not miss the irony here. I am trying to make spring break camping plans and plan our Hawaii trip. Really, I use the computer as a tool to work and plan. I even shop on-line. And then when I’m done, I get off and do something else.) and started interacting with my children. It was around 7pm and I started reading books for bedtime. They were all a little confused because it seemed so early to start bedtime. But I was able to read extra chapters to everyone because we weren’t rushed for time. When we got done at around 8 pm, Gabriel suggested we –surprise, surprise—watch TV. But instead I continued interacting with them.

We did stretches on the living room floor. I found out that Sarah can do anything with that tiny, little body of hers. Elijah is totally inflexible, physically. Gabriel has no stamina. And Luke is morally opposed to structured activities. I was a little surprised that they stuck it out with me, but they were eating it up. We did stretches and some stomach crunches. We tried a few yoga poses. It was fun and they loved it! Next I had them all get jammies on and brush teeth. Then they all got blankets and pillows and I had them lay down in the living room. I turned off all the lights and we did deep relaxation and meditation. They ate that up, too! Luke couldn’t close his eyes (he was sure of it) and was not at all interested in being quiet (he never is, really) so he crawled up on the couch with me. I rubbed his back and covered his mouth while the rest of the kids flexed and relaxed their muscles, made faces, focused on their breathing and imagined themselves sunning on the beaches of Oahu. It was a lovely evening that involved almost no screen time (I did let Gabriel show us a very long YouTube video titled “90,000 dominos”. And that’s what kills me about screens. Some group of kids took about a bagillion hours creating an amazing domino thingy. Then a bagillion other kids all over the world sit on their fat, lazy keesters watching other people play!)

By the end of the evening, the kids were relaxed and settled, after having spent some real time with a parent. Elijah and Gabriel were almost asleep on the living room floor. Luke and Sarah were a little amped, but they always are! And I slept like a rock!

So on to Hawaii…. My friend Katrina is (finally) getting married and the ceremony is in Hawaii. Her aunt lives on Oahu, so we will all be staying there. At first, I was bummed that she was getting married so far away, because I really want to be there. But then she got to talking and I got to thinking and it has all morphed into the family vacation of a lifetime! Airfare is reasonably low. We have a free place to stay. We are all pitching in on food to share. And there’s a wedding to attend. And friends to hang out with in Hawaii! We really really really want to see the volcanoes, but island hopping is not cheap, so we might just have to plan another trip to take in the big island (bummer, huh?!) We plan to see Pearl Harbor and the Polynesian Cultural Center and the wedding, or course. Hopefully, we can spend a lot of time just swimming and tanning in warm ocean waters. It’s gonna be warm. And sunny. I am very excited. The kids will have DS’s for the long plane ride, but hopefully there will be enough to do in HAWAII that I can pry all 5 of them away from all that darned technology. And I’m pretty sure I can live without Netflix DVD’s, Facebook and my blog for a week… in Hawaii! Where it’s warm. And sunny. Hawaii!!!

Luke the Cute

Well, I’m sure I’ve said this before: Luke is a delightful little person. As I described a few weeks back, Luke got a cut on his chin from our rusty, old trampoline. Well, he had not yet received the tetanus vaccine, so he needed one today. Yesterday I told him he had a doctor’s appointment because of the stitches. I deliberately avoided the word “shot”. Like his mother, Luke can be a pretty anxious kid. So too much prep time can turn into too much worry time, all of which is miserable and unnecessary in my opinion.

On the way to his “appointment” today, he was rather curious, so he started asking questions. I think he sensed my attempts at evading the word shot and he kept digging for information. I finally told him he needed an immunization and that satisfied his curiosity. When we arrived, I waited until the nurse was present with the vaccine before finally fessing up to the purpose of our “appointment”. He, of course, resisted the idea, but ultimately he conceded. (Perhaps this was because it was happening regardless of his consent or maybe it was all just over so quickly he didn’t have much of an opportunity to protest. I choose to believe it’s because my off-spring is a remarkably brave, cooperative young man.)

After the shot he was offered a sticker, to which he promptly and loudly declined. I guess he just didn’t want to remember the experience. We went to Burger King for a post-traumatic treat. He chose burger shots with apple slices. (Another “proud mommy” moment… *sniff*sniff*). On the way into the restaurant, I was talking with Rick on my cell phone, recounting Luke’s triumphant ordeal with the “tetanus immunization appointment”. When I said to Rick, “and then I got the shot”, Luke stuck his finger out and corrected me, “NO! I got the shot!” Priceless!

So, I have been trying my darnest to keep my kids' rooms clean. Nothing seems to be working! A few weekends ago I managed to get Luke and Sarah's room in tip top shape... and then a tornado hit! I don't even know how they can get that much stuff out in such a short period of time. I was, needless to say, very annoyed and feeling a little sorry of myself. Then it hit me--my kids' rooms are a mess all the time (along with the rest of the house) because they play! All four of them. All the time. Sure, they get computer and wii and DS turns. Sure, they watch too much television (by my standards, anyway). Sure, they have school and homework and paper routes. But they also play the heck out of this house.

Just today, they cleaned the living room (okay, that was my idea, but at least they did it!) and then pulled out the train track set. I haven't seen that thing in action in months. They all worked together to build an elaborate set with a town. They created this whole make-believe world and ended up playing for hours. I even got a nap on the couch. It was awesome. And here's the best part... They cleaned it all up when they were done. Without whining.

So, I am still going to work on cleaning up the puzzle pieces and the polly pockets and the rescue heroes and the legos and the headless barbies and the dress-up clothes and the markers and the matchbox cars and the.... You get the idea. But I am also going to take a breath and really enjoy this time I have with my children. This time of magic and wonder and messes. When they are all still young enough to pull out every toy in sight and play the days away.

And besides... Summer is right around the corner.... All the toys will be buried out in the sand pit in no time!

Childred Are Good People

I was just reading through the news stories on Yahoo! and I was reminded that I don’t actually like the news. When I was a stay-at-home mom, Rick would come home to me crying on the sofa and he would gently reprimand me with “were you watching the news again?” Some time after becoming “an adult” I figured I would need to start watching the news. That ‘s what adults do, right? And I’ve never really felt like an adult, so I hoped reading the news might help. Graduating from high school, then college, then graduate school didn’t do it for me. Getting married and having children wasn’t the answer. Finally getting my driver’s license at the ripe old age of 23 was not the ticket. Having a car and a home and bills and a job hasn’t really done much for my feeling of adultness either. So, from time to time, I will read through the Yahoo! news in a futile attempt to feel more grown-up. But it just leaves me feeling frustrated, scared, confused and/or juvenile.



I can hear you all now (especially Luann)….. Being a grown up is not all it’s cracked up to be…. You might feel like you’ve never reached adulthood, too. Or maybe you got there and wasn’t so impressed with the scenery. I know. My desire to feel like an adult seems silly to me at times. After all, I like who I am—child or not—and I love my life. Why would I want to reach some pinnacle of maturity when I’m perfectly happy where I am? Who knows. Maybe it’s a “grass is greener” thing. Maybe it just goes to show how truly immature I am—I’m stuck in that adolescent phase of life when being an adult is a coveted experience. Who knows. And more importantly, really, who cares!?



It occurred to me today that one of my more youthful attributes is my sense of humor. People tell me all the time that I am a funny gal. And I agree. I crack my butt up! I love humor. Laughing is the best medicine (second only to chocolate, of course)! For the most part, I think people appreciate my humor. There are those times, though, that I feel particularly juvenile and not so appreciated … Like when I am the only one laughing. Those are the times, though, that I am really glad that I am not yet an “adult” in the completely-boring-no-sense-of-humor-all-business-no-pleasure sort of way. And those are also the times, inevitably, that any desire for maturity flies out the window and I just want to giggle with youthful enthusiasm and color with crayons.



Kids have great senses of humor. I was hanging out with Luke today. I was pretending to take a nap on the couch when he snuck into his room to get his little toy tool bench. He giggled as he scolded me to close my eyes and “go back to sleeping”. Then he’d start up the table saw and ‘startle’ me awake. He laughed and laughed. Then he made me lots of milk shakes with the drill and chicken nuggets with special sauce. The more grotesque the ingredients, the harder he laughed. The boy was actually holding his little tummy as he roiled with laughter about booger milk shakes and spider-gut dipping sauce. It was precious. Why I want to pull myself out of this world of wonder into the grown-up realm of meetings and stock portfolios and insurance rates is beyond me!



I think another thing that keeps me from being an “adult” is the fact that I see children as real people. I was blessed to be raised by a mom who sees children as real people. It’s refreshing, really. Children are neat little people. They look at the world with such wonder and enthusiasm and hope. My children tell me their dreams for the future and I can believe in them. I don’t like the one where Gabriel moves away to California, so I just imagine the state will be swallowed up by a ginormous, earth-eating mega monster before he escapes my grasp. (See, I can dream big, too!) But when he talks about being a movie director and a paleontologist (he was gonna be a librarian, an astronaut and a rock star when he was really little—isn’t that a great image?) I can see it happening. When Elijah creates these elaborate, completely unbelievable tales about his inhuman strength and athletic prowess, I eat it up. I can totally see Sarah rising to greatness as the first female ruler of the universe. And Luke. Luke is going to turn this world into a magical place. He has already started.



Of course, much of my adoration for these particular young people comes from my attachment to them as their mother. There is something strangely endearing about squeezing out a completely helpless creature who sucks the life out of you, constantly depends on you for it’s everything and follows you around relentlessly. But aside from my parental appreciation, my house is full of some fabulous people. And children in general are good folks. In fact, the older someone gets, the higher the chance of them becoming unlikeable! I’d have to conclude that growing up can be detrimental to one’s social skills, integrity, innocence, faith and humanness. Maybe we should start aging backward…

What Moms Can't Do

Well, I am quite proud of myself. I have figured out how to out-smart that darn block on my work computer. I can no longer access my blog from work, but I can write myself an email and then paste it to my blog when I get home. The truth is, I can not write in my blog at home. I can not do much of anything that involves complex, independent thought. My kids have a great book called What Moms Can’t Do; it’ s all about the things moms “can’t” do without their kids help, like making the bed and picking out clothes and making lunches and saying goodbye. My favorite page has the mom driving with the little kid in the back seat with a radio blasting. It says “Sometimes moms can’t hear themselves think (whatever that means)”…. I love this page because as a mom, I can’t hear myself think; and as a kid I never understood what that meant when my mom would say it to me! My other favorite page says, “Moms can never give hugs with a kiss. Or two. Or nine.”

Anyway, I have many more opportunities at work to hear myself think, so I like blogging at work. For whatever reason, my employer finds this habit of mine to be unappealing, so the blogging sites have been blocked. Humpf. This is my attempt at keeping the creative juices flowing while adhering to the guidelines of my employer. (For those of you reading this who happen to be employed by the same company, don’t rat me out, okay?! I NEED my creative time. It makes me a better counselor. And I write on my breaks. Usually.)

With all that said, I have to admit that I don’t have much to say tonight. Oh, the irony! I am participating in a weight loss contest with some of my work buddies. So far, I have done a lousy job of losing some for the team. This week, however, I was able to smile when I stepped off the scale. Tonight’s meeting topic happened to focus a little on healthy, gradual weight loss. We spoke specifically about the low-carb diets that make the victim feel great about their progress, but that are not really effective for long-term results. I have been doing weight watchers for a little over a year. I have lost a solid 10 lbs, with some plateauing and a little yo-yoing along the way. I know this is the right way for me to make this last a life time. The skinny little dietician talking at our group tonight confirmed that this is the healthy way to go. But there are many, many days when I’d like to see those low-carb results. I lost a ton of weight when Rick was in Iraq. I started with Slimfast and tried 3 or 4 low-carb options. The results were dramatic. But they didn’t last and the lifestyle was not sustainable for me. I like carbs. My body feels good on (complex) carbs. I feed my family carbs. AND…. Carbs are a healthy, necessary part of a balanced diet. This all sounds good on paper, and even coming from the dietician. But stepping on the scale and seeing the same weight week after week ( or seeing a small gain) is frustrating and can be discouraging.

I have made a commitment to myself and to my family to stick with this, no matter how long it takes or how tough it seems. And I am willing to stick to that commitment most days. But there are times when I just fantasize about eating a lot of junk. I can imagine how tough it must be for drug addicts or people who’ve been unfaithful to a spouse. Despite my best efforts to stay on the straight and narrow, the temptation to cheat or give up entirely can seem overwhelming. And even though it makes sense to me intellectually and is backed by scientific research, my slow progress can feel like a cop out—like I’m not really trying. BUT I AM. I am 10 lbs lighter than I was a year ago. I skip out on junk food more often than I did last year. I indulge much less frequently. I don’t eat mindlessly anymore, for the most part. (Christmas break was bad. And you know what really sucks about that? I made a conscious effort to overeat during the holidays. Why? What exactly is it about me that makes me think that celebrating Christ’s birth should include a self-indulgent escapade down Fat Girl Lane?!)

I am making an effort to change my family’s eating habits, as well. I am meal planning and including fruits and veggies at each meal. Come summer break, I will change my schedule at work so that I am home 3 nights a week, instead of only one… That will improve a lot of things in my family. Rick’s a great man. A wonderful husband. And a great dad. But he’s still a lousy mother and housewife!

Brave Little Lukers

well, I added this photo after writing the blog... Once I knew where I was headed. I love the dried ketchup on Luke's chin in this shot... I gotta take the photos when I can get 'em--No prep time!

I'm not sure what I have to say right now. But the kids are all in bed and if I go to bed right now, Rick and I will talk for an hour and we'll both be too tired for tomorrow. So I am hiding in the living room in front of the computer.

I stayed home from work today. I thought I was developing seasonal allergies, but as it turns out, I think I have a cold. The fatigue that comes with sickness is so no fun. I have way too much to do to be stuck on the couch snoozing all day.

I am grateful it seems to only be a cold and not the flu again. That was horrible! The weather has been fabulous here this past week. It was delightful to head outdoors with my family. We went on a bike ride Sunday afternoon. It ultimately kicked my butt--it was worth it, though. We rode out to Battery Clark in Ft Stevens and played hide and seek. I've got my first sticker bush scratches of the year... Awesome!

Saturday was super sunny, too. I had the windows open and I was just enjoying the sunny family day. The big boys were doing something that didn't involve a screen or any arguing. Sarah and I were hanging up a ginormous pile of clean clothes. Rick and Luke were jumping on the trampoline together.

Next thing I know, Luke is crying and they're both headed for the front door. Luke's got blood dripping from his chin and it looks like he'll need some stiches. He got three stiches on his chin... Prior to the procedure, the doctor warned that she is not a plastic surgeon and there may be a scar, at which point, Rick pointed to his own chin and proclaimed that chin scars are genetic.

At first Luke did not want me to take any pictures of it, but he's feeling less pain and more pride at having survived the ordeal. I'm glad it wasn't worse... And I guess those darn blue pads that go around the edge of the trampoline are important... I'll add it to my list of summer purchases!

Oh, the nyquil is kicking in... Good night...

Hair today, gone today, too!

Anyone who has known Rick and I for long, you know that we've always kept our boys' hair short--like military short. Before we even had kids, we had shears for Rick's Army hair cuts. And we have proudly kept the tradition with our boys. We have even talked at length in our family about the hair cuts that would and would not ever be allowed... No mohawks, rat tails or mullets. No exceptions! (fear the mullet) I have always liked short hair on boys (well, except Sawyer on LOST, but that's another blog entirely. Is it getting warm in here? Anyway... ) and thought we'd always have short-haired boys. I expected that Rick's resolve would be stronger than mine. So, I was quite surprised at the beginning of the school year when our family morphed into a longer hair phase of life.

As a teen I absorbed many lessons about life and parenting. One of the things I remember was a lesson taught by one the wives of a church official. She had teenage boys at the time and she talked about when to be flexible with your standards as a parent and when to stand your ground. She specifically mentioned hair style/length and I accepted the wisdom behind her words. She encouraged parents to give a little when it comes to fashion statements like hair, allowing kids some room to express themselves, while vigilantly preserving the more fundamental family values like drinking, drugs and sexual activity. That made a whole lot of sense to me. Until I became a mom and had these little representatives of my parenting walking around the world. It's a whole new ball game when you become a parent... And as tough as it is for me sometimes to let my kids make their own choices, I know it's best to teach them my values and then trust them to make good choices for themselves... But sometimes (and most of the time when they are as young as mine still are) I have a huge say in their everyday choices--screen time, nutritional options, clothing choices, leisure time activities, and hairstyle--sometimes.

This past summer our boys wanted to grow their hair out. Long. How long, I'm not quite sure. So Rick and I compromised. We recognize that fitting in with peers and keeping up with the latest fashions (and making independent choices) is all a part of the childhood experience. We had at least one shirt with that stupid little alligator on the front. So we let the boys grow their hair out, with the agreement that they would get a short hair cut on the last day of school. It was my intention to encourage periodic trimmings along the way, but Elijah has not been interested and Gabriel only got one, right after school started. (Yeah, it has been my intention to have a clean house, too... so much for my intentions)

As it turns out, I kind of like my boys' longer hair. There are days, of course, that they look wild. But having a hair-do to match their personality isn't a bad thing, I guess. Sometimes I would look at older photos from and miss that military buzz, but overall I have enjoyed the experience. So, I was a little disappointed and a lot surprised when Gabriel announced that he wanted a hair cut. Tonight. Rick hopped right out of bed and jumped at the chance to indulge what I bet he perceived as an impulsive choice. (I'm not sure Rick has been as fond of the new do's as I have been).

So, there it is... Gabriel grew his hair out for almost 6 months with no cuts. And he got sick of it. He plans on growing it back out again, but wants more frequent trims this time... I can manage that. (Get ready, Amber... you're gonna have some more regulars soon). I am guessing Elijah is going to hold out to the end (of the school year, that is... Come the last day, his curly locks will fall to the bathroom floor, too)... That's just Elijah's way. Maybe I can talk him into a trim between now and then. I can always bribe him, if need be...

All this talk about hair cuts makes me anxious for my own. I plan on donating my hair again this spring, but lately I have wanted to expedite the process. It's long enough now, but I will enjoy (or endure, depending on the day) my long hair a few more months... maybe!

Happy Valentine's Day

Well, I recently found out that I can no longer access my blog at work... So my blogs will be less often. At work I can hammer out a blog on my break. I don't get breaks at home really. Right now Rick and the kids are watching "Dodge Ball" but that could all change at the drop of a hat...

Today is Valentine's Day. Sometimes I feel like holidays are like money... Having someone to celebrate with me is no big deal, really, but not having someone seemed so huge when I was single. I remember always feeling like New Year's and Independence Day were holidays best spent with a honey... Maybe it's the kissing and fireworks. Whatever the reason, I felt pretty alone without a partner on those holidays. Now that I am happily married, I feel like today (and other holidays) is just another comfortable day in my wonderful life. I got Rick some chocolates and he got me flowers and a gift. That exchange was nice, but I would have been okay without it, too. I KNOW Rick loves me. He's my Valentine everyday. He does more for me on a daily basis than any amount of flowers and gifts could fulfill... Don't get me wrong, I love gifts and flowers... I just love having a strong, stable marriage and family--with or without flowers. And I know flowers and gifts don't make a family. But they are a nice extra touch...

So, Happy Valentine's Day to all.... I hope everyone has a true Valentine on whom they can rely. I'm grateful I do!! :)

Urban Dictionary

So, the latest Facebook thing is to find your name at urbandictionary.com and post the definition of your own name. Well, I looked up my husband's name and was pleasantly surprised to see this...

"Be close to guys named Rick. They are good loyal friends. Ricks are athletic and kind. Soon, you might just see yourself dating a Rick after being friends with him for awhile. Ricks would rather hang out with real, down to earth girls then whores or people that dress like sluts. If you are a simple nice down to earth girl, he will fall for you so quick. Ricks respect relationships and other people in general. Ricks are amazing and they are not fake!! They are cute and good kissers. :-)"

Followed by this...

"A human with a severe lack of common sense, and powerfully apathetic towards his/her deficiency."

The contrast and the underlying truths in each statement made me laugh out loud in my office. (I do that from time to time. It could be embarrassing, if anyone ever heard. Or cared. My office partner is used to my strangness, I'm sure.) To be fair, my Rick does not lack common sense, but he is rather apathetic to his other deficiencies... Which is really something I admire about him most of the time. He simply and truly does not care what anyone thinks of him. Including me. That's the part that pisses me off!!! He is cute and a good kisser, though, so I put up with those deficiencies of his.

Gratitute continued

Today I am grateful for the fullness of my life. I am never bored. I don't like being bored. There are many times I wish I could be less busy, but I am so thankful for all the wonderful blessings that fill my life.

I am grateful to have a house full of family. I am grateful for all the half-finished craft and sewing projects filling my craft room. I am grateful that my upcoming weekend will be filled with scrapbooking, friends, food and laughter.

I am grateful that even though it takes me away from my family, I have a good paying, stable, fun job in this economy. (My husband has a good job, too!) My job is full of challenges and opportunities to grow and connect and create and stretch myself.

I am grateful that I have closets full of clothes for my children to wear. Shelves full of books for my children to read. Boxes, corners, drawers and couch cushions full of toys for my children to play with. Cupboards full of food to eat.

I am grateful to have a mind full of knowledge and ideas and thoughts and opinions and creative energy. I am grateful that even though I struggle with my weight, I never go hungry. Even though my budget is tight, I never can't pay my bills. Even though my house is messy and noisy, I never go without hugs and kisses and smiles and laughter and songs and stories and love from my family.

I am so grateful for the fullness of my life. My cup overfloweth... yes, it's overflowing all over the floor and out into the yard. That's a good thing today.

Gratitude

I have so many things for which to be grateful. I am very good at complaining. Just yesterday Rick was trying to solve one of my many problems. At one point I just told him that I would be willing to stop complaining to him about that particular problem, but that I will continue to complain about it. I think he understood.

Despite my talent for bitching, I do have a lot of blessing. I recognize this. I thank God daily for all that I have. I hope my gratitude is apparent in the way I live my life. And I hope my children learn gratitude from their grouchy old mom.

Speaking of children, Luke is someone I am grateful for today. It amazes me each time I consider that my "baby" is nearly 5 years old! Where does the time go? Since he is not yet in school, I get extra time with him during the week. Today we went grocery shopping. I am inbetween funds this week, so we returned bottles to help pay for groceries. As usual, the bottle return machines were not working properly and there was a crazy (and that is my professional opinion, BTW) person ahead of us in line. It took nearly 30 minutes to get this project done and we only made $5... It doesn't seem worth most days! But Luke and I had fun singing and dancing. We made "friends" with a cooky (not quite crazy, but a little off) old fisherman while we waited for the girl to fix the machine three times!

While we were shopping, we passed by a local man I recognized. He is a rather large man who usually has an oxygen tank in his cart. He strikes me as someone who has never taken good care of himself and it shows in his appearance. He doesn't seem to be the friendliest, most open of persons, either. Well, when we wheeled our cart past him, Luke piped up, "That's a fat guy" or something similarly rude and embarrassing. I, of course, reminded Luke that such verbal observations are rude to share.

A little while later we wheeled past this tiny, old lady, at which point Luke observed, "Well she's a tiny, little shopper!" This kid brightens even my darkest days. He makes me smile even when he being a big pain the butt! I am grateful for my little Lukers!

I would like to add four other things for which I am grateful, but it's 8:59pm and I go home at 9pm. So, I am grateful to be getting off now... 2 outta 3 ain't bad... :)

I don't know that I have anything in mind to say. I just know that it's been awhile since I've written and I'd like to add my two cents... I changed the look of my blog to match the holiday this month--Valentine's Day. I love the idea of decorating to match the season or the holiday, though I've never really had the wearwithall to actually follow through. I always sort of thought that having children in the house would spur me to create wonderful and amazing projects to display around the house. Really, kids just leave me exhausted and thoughtless by the end of the day.

They are so much work--children, that is. Well, and seasonal decorations, too. In October the kids came home with tons of color pages and craft projects for Halloween. And they always want to keep all of the work they bring home. Even the math worksheets. The ones they didn't even finish or do well on. I would have to rent a storage unit to keep all the school papers Sarah and Elijah want me to keep. I ask them to pick out their top favorites and then I get to make the final choice. Everything else goes in the recycle bin. I think it breaks their hearts that I do this. I hope their psyches are not too badly damaged by my callus disregard for their homework assignments.

Anyway, starting back in October, the kids had lots of art to display, so I decided to use clothes pins to hang their projects from the valance of our sliding door shades. It was a brilliant plan. In November, we replaced the Jack-O-Lanterns and ghosts with cornacopias and colorful turkeys. In December we changed it up with Rudolf and various renditions of Santa Claus...

Well, now it's February and Rudolf's nose has faded in the sunlight... I guess it's time to brake out the dollies and make some Valentine artwork for display... Then it'll be St. Patrick's Day and then Easter... Followed by another long break in the holiday themes. I bet I'll be trading Easter Bunny pictures for Independence Day displays...

But I am really getting ahead of myself now. I haven't even started on the Valentine's Day stuff. And this is how it is. One thing leads to another, until I find myself standing in a room, wondering what the heck I came in here for! I can't even keep the crap off my floors. My baseboards are actually embarrassing. My window sills are scary! And I'm worried about matching my kids' art display to the season... No wonder my house is messy and I can't remember what I'm doing...

At least I know I am raising some happyish kids. They sure do argue a lot. I'm pretty sure they love each other. I know they depend on each other. That's all I really want for my family. No matter what kind of decorations are hanging. Or how gross the baseboards are looking. And yes, there is still a "fresh" wreath hanging on our front door. I should just add some hearts and call it good!

My emotions ran the gamut today. It really started last night. Rick got mad at me over a scheduling snafu. I didn't (and still don't) see the big deal--We're parents. There are plenty of times that schedules are confusing and inconvenient and exhausting. I just roll with it. But for whatever reason, Rick was not in the mood to deal with it and he was in the mood to share his frustrations with me. Rick doesn't get mad at me very often, so when he does, it really throws me. To make matters worse, he was sound asleep when I got home, so there was unresolved conflict. Consequently, I got terrible sleep.

Then Sarah was a holy terror this morning. I'm not really sure what the problem was, but she would NOT get ready this morning. Just before Christmas break, I decided that I could get a whole lot more done in the mornings if she would dress herself. (Yes, I was still dressing my 7-year-old every morning! I know it makes her feel loved and like she's winning in this ridiculous competition she has going with Luke.)So, I made the announcement that she was a big girl now and she will start dressing herself starting in 2010. It's been a struggle to get her ready for school ever since. And this morning topped them all... She would not get herself dressed. I slapped her clothes onto her defiant little body at the last minute, threatening to spank her every time she gave me an ounce of grief. She was fairly cooperative.

Until we got in the car. She cried when I asked her to buckle up. She screamed at me until I turned the music down. Then she whined the rest of the way because I didn't turn the music all the way off. When we got to the school, she would not get out of the car. I had to park, drag her around the corner, spank her buns, drag her into school and leave her with her teacher. I went back outside through another door and saw her standing in the doorway of the cafeteria. I snuck out to the edge of the parking lot, ducked behind the hedge, and made my way to the van. By the time I got in the car, she was out on the sidewalk in front of the school. I half expected her to dart out into the parking lot and chase me down. As I pulled away, I saw her teacher approach her and knew she'd be fine. (Her teacher is one of the greatest ever!) But my heart was pounding and I was shaking as I drove Luke to pre-school.

I got to his school to find that the really nice director has been replaced by the mean, impatient teacher. I don't know what happened. It was such a sudden shift, it seems sketchy--like the director was fired. And the temporary replacement has been so rude, impatient and down right mean to the kids. For a fraction of a second, I considered applying to be the new director. Then I quickly thought better of it... If my kids were younger, I'd jump at the chance. But Luke's gonna be in Kindergarten next fall, so no more preschool for me... But now I have to decide--Keep him in that school or shop for a new school or bring him home with the sitter.

My morning was topped off by the smallest winner weigh in. I gained a pound. The skinny old lady weighing me in almost got a punch in the gut. She needed to just shut the hell up about her restricted caloric intake and 2lb gain herself... I cried the rest of my way to work.

The whole Sarah episode had me at my wits end and the extra pound just pushed me right over the edge. Last week I read that magazine article about sisters... If the relationship between sisters in complicated, the relationship between mother and daughter is down right incomprehensible! Sarah gets on my nerves like no other child. I have actually slapped her face! (It was horrible. I will NEVER do that again!)

Normally, Sarah is fairly helpful at home. She can always locate that elusive object the boys can't seem to find. She helps with laundry and dishes and cleaning. She loves to cook and bake. At school she's an absolute angel. She never gets into trouble, always gets compliments, earns lots of trips to the treasure chest, eats lunch in the class room regularly and is collecting Skittles at an almost alarming rate! She was proudly sharing with me one day that she has never gotten her name on the board. In one of my more sarcastic moments, I retorted with something like, "Oh, too bad we don't have a chalkboard at home!" She just knowingly smiled and giggled a little.

My biggest problem with Sarah is that she is so starved for attention all the time. She is always hungry--both for food and affection. It's disturbing and annoying and frustrating. It makes me feel smothered and guilty and concerned all at the same time. She is my constant shadow, which at times can be very helpful and comforting. She is learning great stuff about running a home--I hope. But sometimes her need to be near me is so demanding, I just want to shove her away and hide. And then I hate myself for wanting to run away from my own child. She obviously needs that reassurance, and my resistance just adds to her hunger. And I know I will miss it all when she's an obnoxious teenager. But right now I have a hard time giving her what she needs... Because I have 3 other kids, and a husband, and a job, and a dog, and a house to maintain, and an identity aside from being Sarah's mommy.

I had a close relationship with my mom growing up. It was just her and me. We were tight. Until I grew up. Then I realized that I've never really trusted my mom. She is mentally ill and always has been. I usually accept that she did the best she could, but I still can not allow myself much time in her presence--she's just not a healthy person. And I don't want this with my kids. I want to have a great relationship with my kids and their spouses and their kids. I worry --often-- that my kids will end thinking about me the way I think about my mom... OUCH!

My emotional roller coaster did a loop-d-loop this afternoon when the mail came. My other mother (the one I chose for myself, along with her six kids) sent a gift for my dead daughter's 13th birthday. She always remembers Marquel's birthday. And she always sends us something. A few years ago she started including Sarah in this exchange. She usually gets something for Marquel, knowing it will be used and enjoyed by Sarah. A decorative pillow. A stuffed animale. A jewelry box. She somehow knows this brings me comfort. It has always been my greatest fear that Marquel will be forgotten. Giving Sarah something in honor of her sister's memory keeps Marquel alive in our home, even more so than she always has been. This year Raydelle sent necklaces. One for me, one for Sarah that says "little sister" and one for Marquel that says "big sister".

There is a little part of me that worries what growing up in her older sister's shadow will do to Sarah, though I ususally feel like we manage it well. There's another part of me that is hurt that Raydelle is the only one outside my immediate family who acknowledges Marquel. I know my friends think of her, especially around her birthday, but my own mom has never even sent a card or anything in rememberance of my daughter. Mostly, though, my heart is full and grateful and humbled by the honor of being Marquel's and Sarah's mom. And I'm blessed to have a "mom" like Raydelle.

I read magazines in my spare time (which is code for "hidden in the bathroom, away from my kids"... Until they barge in and find me. I always tell them mommy needs privacy, at which point they reluctantly sulk away. At one point or another, each one has mumbled, on their way out, "What's privacy?" Gabriel used to call it private see--appropriately so. Anyway...) So, I read an article called Momfidence. I think it's in Woman's Day and the author's name is Paula Spencer. I could go find out for sure, but that would involve getting up and going into another room. Not gonna happen.

I like Momfidence because it is just that. I started reading this article several years ago when I started getting all these magazines for cheap through some credit card promotion. When I first read one of her articles, I was a little surprised by how boldly she stood up for her traditional and not-so-traditional values. There was no wishy-washy, apologitic, policically correct language. It seemed real, and that is so rare in the world. It was refreshing. And it helped me feel confident in my own values and the choices Rick and I make for our family.

I share many of the same values as Paula. I disagree with some of what she writes. But either way, her articles--infused with her own confidence as a mom who knows best for her own children--have offered me the freedom to make my own choices for my family, even when those choices seem to go against conventional practice.

I have always felt I was different from everyone around me... I grew up in a low-income, single parent home in the middle of Raleigh Hills, surrounded by almost wealthy, two parent families with stay-at-home moms and big houses and nice cars and summer vacations at "the lake" (whereever that was!) Not only was my mom single, she had never married my dad and I had never met him. She wasn't "divorced" and I didn't have weekend or holiday visits with a dad. These things made me different from my peers, especially the ones at church.

As an adult, I went on to marry outside my religious denomination, to further ostrasize myself from my cohort. For many of my adult years, I struggled to find a place in the mainstream and still hold on to my individiuality and uniquness. One day it finally occured to me that I am who I am. I like who I am. My friends and family like who I am. There's nothing keeping my on the "outs" except me.

What changed and how did it happen? I suppose my perspective changed, and it happened over time. This momfidence article helped. My ten-year high school reunion was enlightening. Conversations with other Mormons, with my friends, watching Dr. Phil, raising my kids, nurturing my marriage. Surviving my husband's deployment and then he return to society. Managing a household. Running a business. Life, I guess. I think I grew up. Weird, huh?

I recently picked up the Momfidence article and read the title, something about sisters. Before even reading further, I had ideas swirling in my head. I have sisters, sort of, and our relationship is unique and beautiful. I have daughters who are sisters, and their relationship is unique and beautiful... The title of one magazine article has sparked so much thought! Again, weird! Stay tuned for blogs about my own sisters and my own daughters...

I have followers!

So, I just posted and checked out my blog page. I have followers! It's so cool. It's like I'm a rock star, only I can't sing... I'm PINK, without the voice talent. I'm INK! Get it? 'Cause I'm writing instead of singing... Oh, am I ever clever! (And I rhyme without even trying... though I'm not sure I spelled rhyme correctly. Is that right? It doesn't look right... I could just spell check... It's spelled right.)

Wow, I am spazy right now. These followers have me on a natural high... Or it could be the 30 minutes spin class I just took... Totally fun, but my bum really hurts from the bike seat. Or it could be the four pieces of chocolate I just ate :)

Thanks for following me, followers! I commented on your comments, if you feel the need to keep up with the dialogue. This is fun!

So, this weekend was "that time of the month" for me. You know, it's bad enough that I have to endure the pain and suffering of a short menstral cycle (we're talking 25 days, ladies! I haven't done the math, but I know I'm getting screwed here!) but to have it on a three day weekend is just mean. I had big plans to take my kids swimming. That went out the window. I had big plans to do my Wii fit 2 or 3 times and maybe even get an elliptical workout in. No way. My uterus was working plenty hard for the rest of me, thank you very much. I much prefer to be at work. I'm already stuck somewhere I don't really want to be, doing something I don't really want to do. I may as well get the cramps and bleeding out of the way while I'm there, right? (I really do like my job, but I love being home with my family way more, so I'd rather not suffer when I get to be home.)

What really sucks about my period... I am done having kids. Why do I need to continue with this madness? I don't buy diapers anymore. I don't have bottles in the house. No more breast pads or nursing bras. The pregnancy undies are long gone. So why do I still have to subscribe to the squeeze-my-guts-out-make-me-crazy-painful-torture journal of unfriendly medicine? Huh? It's bad enough that carrying the kids for 9 months, birthing them and nursing was my job alone. Now that I don't even get the accomplishment of those feets, I still have to live with the possibility of reproductive ability. My spouse doesn't have to go through all this. His babies are all born. His chances for getting me (or any other woman, for that matter) pregnant is nill. (Believe me, I know this. I wanted the vasectomy to fail, but it's been holding strong for 4 years now. I'm done wishing for failure.)

The way I see it, the only purpose my period serves (aside from the money I shell out for products and pain relief) is that it reminds my husband that he, too, fears something!

The Smallest Winner

Well, a team of us from work have signed up for a weight-loss/fitness program through our local pool and the hospital. It is a 10-week program and there are prizes for the "smallest winner"... It's focused on healthy weight loss, not the bootcamp torture we all so enjoy watching on television.

We weigh-in once a week, attend a weekly support/education meeting and can use the pool on Tuesdays as part of the program. Great, right? Well, yes, I get to have some extra support in my weight loss goals, and I get to do it with ladies I really enjoy spending time with. And they are ladies who are good to lose weight with... There are some people that I don't even want to talk about my weight with (Oh, these sentences ending in "with" are killing me!) But I feel like these ladies are and will continue to be (you better be!) supportive and encouraging. And there's no awkward competition. (Although I am the heaviest among us and don't think I haven't noticed!)

I have a friend who participated in a biggest loser type challenge with a random group of ladies. All participates put money into the pot and the one to lose the most weight got all the money. My friend won and I was excited for her. I followed along as she checked in about the challenge (on someone's blog, I think). But I was also glad I was not in the challenge. I am not particularly motivated by money, so the prize was not that enticing. And some of the interactions just seemed so competetive and almost nasty. I don't really want to compete against my friends... I want to encourage them and cheer them on. So, I'm glad this is a team effort, so I won't feel tempted to bring krispy kremes to our work meetings.

So, last night we went to our first support/education group. To describe it in a word: BORING. Oh, and ANNOYING. Well, it was only slightly annoying, because I am motivated right now and I was sitting next to a dear friend whose cheerfulness and enthusiasm for EVERYTHING rubs off on me. It was boring because it was a lecture. And it was a lecture on stuff I have already heard and read and studied and tried a thousand times. It was annoying because two VERY thin women who exercise more than I eat (and that's a lot!) were up there talking about their weight-loss goals and how hard it can be to get motivated.... The one young woman with the amazing body wasn't so bad. She is just so gorgeous, I can not be annoyed by such perfection. The older lady, who was tall and thin, just kept going on and on about her struggles with eating cheese and not wanting to go on a run some days. When she said "running in the rain is no fun" I thought "ah, running is no fun!"

When she was describing the cycle of dieting, she talked about how it's Monday morning and we are all pumped up to start this new program. Then we go gung ho for awhile and then start to feel deprived... At which point I said, "and it's Monday afternoon!"

Well, I was all gung-ho to create this new blog, and now I'm struggling to find something to write! I have been thinking about following a project like the Julie and Julia that inspired me to re-enter the blogosphere. My current projects are parenting and weight loss... I know I'm the only one interested in most of the parenting project. And the weight loss thing can be so humiliating!

I joined weight watchers online almost a year ago. I have a specific weight goal in mind, but I am not on a diet. I am changing my lifestyle, so that the weight loss sticks for life. Back when my husband was in Iraq, I did the low carb thing. It was extremely effective. I got down below my pre-pregnancy weight from the first kid (um, that was 5 babies ago. That's a big deal). One of my brothers-in-law even noticed. But the low carb thing is not a lifestyle. I'm not even sure it's really a diet. I think it's a torture device left over from the cold war. When the soviet union was dismantled, the KGB sold torture secrets to stablize the economy and John Atkins was their highest bidder!

Low carb nutrition is just mean. Taking carbs out of a woman's life leaves nothing meaningful. Food just becomes something you consume to fuel your body. There's no passion. No love affair. And I know why it works, too. A person can only eat so much chicken and vegetables before just giving up on eating. Surprisingly, I was actually able to maintain the diet for about 9 months. But remember, people, my spouse was in another country. There is no possible way for a woman to remove carbs from her diet and live with a man without hurting him!

Anyway, my loss now is slow and steady. The line on my weight loss graph is more of a southward wave. Intellectually, I know this is what I signed up for, what I am consciously choosing and ultimately what I want. Without making drastic changes, and without sending my husband to the ER, I have been able to lose nearly 15 lbs. This seems so ridiculously puny when I consider that I have been at this for a year! But it's 15 lbs less than I weighed last January. And that's a hell of a lot better than 15 lbs heavier!!

It's my 20 year high school reunion this summer (I can hardly believe I actually typed that out. 20 years?! When am I gonna start feeling like an adult?) and I'd like to look fabulous... Or at least not be the fastest gal in my graduating class. I was five months pregnant with no. 3 at our 10 year. That was a nice distraction from the size of my butt. I have no excuse now, and I can't even hurry up and get pregnant. The darn bank's been closed for years.

I got a Wii Fit Plus for Christmas. Who would have thought that wiggling around on a big piece of plastic could make a lady so sore. That hula hoop thing is torture. I wonder if the Wii people got a deal at that KGB auction?

Here we go again...

I used to have a blog, but yahoo closed the page... and I kinda got sick of writing it anyway. I am leary about blogging the gooey details of my life all over cyberspace. What if a stalker reads my postings?! Oh well, you only live once, right? And I don't have to give out my true identity. I can be like a superhero incognito. Like Wordgirl :)

Well, I don't have much to say today. I saw the movie Julie and Julia, which inspired me to start blogging again. (I wonder how many blogs have been started as a result of seeing that movie. That would be an interesting, yet utterly useless statistic!) Anyway, cute movie. What struck me most about watching the film was that my dear husband sat through the whole thing with me--didn't fall asleep or start doing something else at all.

I commented that now I want to get that cook book and make some yummy french food... The next day I came home to find my husband searching the internet for that book--the Julia Child French cookbook. What a sweet man I married!

And I agree.... butter is amazing!