I read magazines in my spare time (which is code for "hidden in the bathroom, away from my kids"... Until they barge in and find me. I always tell them mommy needs privacy, at which point they reluctantly sulk away. At one point or another, each one has mumbled, on their way out, "What's privacy?" Gabriel used to call it private see--appropriately so. Anyway...) So, I read an article called Momfidence. I think it's in Woman's Day and the author's name is Paula Spencer. I could go find out for sure, but that would involve getting up and going into another room. Not gonna happen.

I like Momfidence because it is just that. I started reading this article several years ago when I started getting all these magazines for cheap through some credit card promotion. When I first read one of her articles, I was a little surprised by how boldly she stood up for her traditional and not-so-traditional values. There was no wishy-washy, apologitic, policically correct language. It seemed real, and that is so rare in the world. It was refreshing. And it helped me feel confident in my own values and the choices Rick and I make for our family.

I share many of the same values as Paula. I disagree with some of what she writes. But either way, her articles--infused with her own confidence as a mom who knows best for her own children--have offered me the freedom to make my own choices for my family, even when those choices seem to go against conventional practice.

I have always felt I was different from everyone around me... I grew up in a low-income, single parent home in the middle of Raleigh Hills, surrounded by almost wealthy, two parent families with stay-at-home moms and big houses and nice cars and summer vacations at "the lake" (whereever that was!) Not only was my mom single, she had never married my dad and I had never met him. She wasn't "divorced" and I didn't have weekend or holiday visits with a dad. These things made me different from my peers, especially the ones at church.

As an adult, I went on to marry outside my religious denomination, to further ostrasize myself from my cohort. For many of my adult years, I struggled to find a place in the mainstream and still hold on to my individiuality and uniquness. One day it finally occured to me that I am who I am. I like who I am. My friends and family like who I am. There's nothing keeping my on the "outs" except me.

What changed and how did it happen? I suppose my perspective changed, and it happened over time. This momfidence article helped. My ten-year high school reunion was enlightening. Conversations with other Mormons, with my friends, watching Dr. Phil, raising my kids, nurturing my marriage. Surviving my husband's deployment and then he return to society. Managing a household. Running a business. Life, I guess. I think I grew up. Weird, huh?

I recently picked up the Momfidence article and read the title, something about sisters. Before even reading further, I had ideas swirling in my head. I have sisters, sort of, and our relationship is unique and beautiful. I have daughters who are sisters, and their relationship is unique and beautiful... The title of one magazine article has sparked so much thought! Again, weird! Stay tuned for blogs about my own sisters and my own daughters...