So, I have been trying my darnest to keep my kids' rooms clean. Nothing seems to be working! A few weekends ago I managed to get Luke and Sarah's room in tip top shape... and then a tornado hit! I don't even know how they can get that much stuff out in such a short period of time. I was, needless to say, very annoyed and feeling a little sorry of myself. Then it hit me--my kids' rooms are a mess all the time (along with the rest of the house) because they play! All four of them. All the time. Sure, they get computer and wii and DS turns. Sure, they watch too much television (by my standards, anyway). Sure, they have school and homework and paper routes. But they also play the heck out of this house.

Just today, they cleaned the living room (okay, that was my idea, but at least they did it!) and then pulled out the train track set. I haven't seen that thing in action in months. They all worked together to build an elaborate set with a town. They created this whole make-believe world and ended up playing for hours. I even got a nap on the couch. It was awesome. And here's the best part... They cleaned it all up when they were done. Without whining.

So, I am still going to work on cleaning up the puzzle pieces and the polly pockets and the rescue heroes and the legos and the headless barbies and the dress-up clothes and the markers and the matchbox cars and the.... You get the idea. But I am also going to take a breath and really enjoy this time I have with my children. This time of magic and wonder and messes. When they are all still young enough to pull out every toy in sight and play the days away.

And besides... Summer is right around the corner.... All the toys will be buried out in the sand pit in no time!

Childred Are Good People

I was just reading through the news stories on Yahoo! and I was reminded that I don’t actually like the news. When I was a stay-at-home mom, Rick would come home to me crying on the sofa and he would gently reprimand me with “were you watching the news again?” Some time after becoming “an adult” I figured I would need to start watching the news. That ‘s what adults do, right? And I’ve never really felt like an adult, so I hoped reading the news might help. Graduating from high school, then college, then graduate school didn’t do it for me. Getting married and having children wasn’t the answer. Finally getting my driver’s license at the ripe old age of 23 was not the ticket. Having a car and a home and bills and a job hasn’t really done much for my feeling of adultness either. So, from time to time, I will read through the Yahoo! news in a futile attempt to feel more grown-up. But it just leaves me feeling frustrated, scared, confused and/or juvenile.



I can hear you all now (especially Luann)….. Being a grown up is not all it’s cracked up to be…. You might feel like you’ve never reached adulthood, too. Or maybe you got there and wasn’t so impressed with the scenery. I know. My desire to feel like an adult seems silly to me at times. After all, I like who I am—child or not—and I love my life. Why would I want to reach some pinnacle of maturity when I’m perfectly happy where I am? Who knows. Maybe it’s a “grass is greener” thing. Maybe it just goes to show how truly immature I am—I’m stuck in that adolescent phase of life when being an adult is a coveted experience. Who knows. And more importantly, really, who cares!?



It occurred to me today that one of my more youthful attributes is my sense of humor. People tell me all the time that I am a funny gal. And I agree. I crack my butt up! I love humor. Laughing is the best medicine (second only to chocolate, of course)! For the most part, I think people appreciate my humor. There are those times, though, that I feel particularly juvenile and not so appreciated … Like when I am the only one laughing. Those are the times, though, that I am really glad that I am not yet an “adult” in the completely-boring-no-sense-of-humor-all-business-no-pleasure sort of way. And those are also the times, inevitably, that any desire for maturity flies out the window and I just want to giggle with youthful enthusiasm and color with crayons.



Kids have great senses of humor. I was hanging out with Luke today. I was pretending to take a nap on the couch when he snuck into his room to get his little toy tool bench. He giggled as he scolded me to close my eyes and “go back to sleeping”. Then he’d start up the table saw and ‘startle’ me awake. He laughed and laughed. Then he made me lots of milk shakes with the drill and chicken nuggets with special sauce. The more grotesque the ingredients, the harder he laughed. The boy was actually holding his little tummy as he roiled with laughter about booger milk shakes and spider-gut dipping sauce. It was precious. Why I want to pull myself out of this world of wonder into the grown-up realm of meetings and stock portfolios and insurance rates is beyond me!



I think another thing that keeps me from being an “adult” is the fact that I see children as real people. I was blessed to be raised by a mom who sees children as real people. It’s refreshing, really. Children are neat little people. They look at the world with such wonder and enthusiasm and hope. My children tell me their dreams for the future and I can believe in them. I don’t like the one where Gabriel moves away to California, so I just imagine the state will be swallowed up by a ginormous, earth-eating mega monster before he escapes my grasp. (See, I can dream big, too!) But when he talks about being a movie director and a paleontologist (he was gonna be a librarian, an astronaut and a rock star when he was really little—isn’t that a great image?) I can see it happening. When Elijah creates these elaborate, completely unbelievable tales about his inhuman strength and athletic prowess, I eat it up. I can totally see Sarah rising to greatness as the first female ruler of the universe. And Luke. Luke is going to turn this world into a magical place. He has already started.



Of course, much of my adoration for these particular young people comes from my attachment to them as their mother. There is something strangely endearing about squeezing out a completely helpless creature who sucks the life out of you, constantly depends on you for it’s everything and follows you around relentlessly. But aside from my parental appreciation, my house is full of some fabulous people. And children in general are good folks. In fact, the older someone gets, the higher the chance of them becoming unlikeable! I’d have to conclude that growing up can be detrimental to one’s social skills, integrity, innocence, faith and humanness. Maybe we should start aging backward…

What Moms Can't Do

Well, I am quite proud of myself. I have figured out how to out-smart that darn block on my work computer. I can no longer access my blog from work, but I can write myself an email and then paste it to my blog when I get home. The truth is, I can not write in my blog at home. I can not do much of anything that involves complex, independent thought. My kids have a great book called What Moms Can’t Do; it’ s all about the things moms “can’t” do without their kids help, like making the bed and picking out clothes and making lunches and saying goodbye. My favorite page has the mom driving with the little kid in the back seat with a radio blasting. It says “Sometimes moms can’t hear themselves think (whatever that means)”…. I love this page because as a mom, I can’t hear myself think; and as a kid I never understood what that meant when my mom would say it to me! My other favorite page says, “Moms can never give hugs with a kiss. Or two. Or nine.”

Anyway, I have many more opportunities at work to hear myself think, so I like blogging at work. For whatever reason, my employer finds this habit of mine to be unappealing, so the blogging sites have been blocked. Humpf. This is my attempt at keeping the creative juices flowing while adhering to the guidelines of my employer. (For those of you reading this who happen to be employed by the same company, don’t rat me out, okay?! I NEED my creative time. It makes me a better counselor. And I write on my breaks. Usually.)

With all that said, I have to admit that I don’t have much to say tonight. Oh, the irony! I am participating in a weight loss contest with some of my work buddies. So far, I have done a lousy job of losing some for the team. This week, however, I was able to smile when I stepped off the scale. Tonight’s meeting topic happened to focus a little on healthy, gradual weight loss. We spoke specifically about the low-carb diets that make the victim feel great about their progress, but that are not really effective for long-term results. I have been doing weight watchers for a little over a year. I have lost a solid 10 lbs, with some plateauing and a little yo-yoing along the way. I know this is the right way for me to make this last a life time. The skinny little dietician talking at our group tonight confirmed that this is the healthy way to go. But there are many, many days when I’d like to see those low-carb results. I lost a ton of weight when Rick was in Iraq. I started with Slimfast and tried 3 or 4 low-carb options. The results were dramatic. But they didn’t last and the lifestyle was not sustainable for me. I like carbs. My body feels good on (complex) carbs. I feed my family carbs. AND…. Carbs are a healthy, necessary part of a balanced diet. This all sounds good on paper, and even coming from the dietician. But stepping on the scale and seeing the same weight week after week ( or seeing a small gain) is frustrating and can be discouraging.

I have made a commitment to myself and to my family to stick with this, no matter how long it takes or how tough it seems. And I am willing to stick to that commitment most days. But there are times when I just fantasize about eating a lot of junk. I can imagine how tough it must be for drug addicts or people who’ve been unfaithful to a spouse. Despite my best efforts to stay on the straight and narrow, the temptation to cheat or give up entirely can seem overwhelming. And even though it makes sense to me intellectually and is backed by scientific research, my slow progress can feel like a cop out—like I’m not really trying. BUT I AM. I am 10 lbs lighter than I was a year ago. I skip out on junk food more often than I did last year. I indulge much less frequently. I don’t eat mindlessly anymore, for the most part. (Christmas break was bad. And you know what really sucks about that? I made a conscious effort to overeat during the holidays. Why? What exactly is it about me that makes me think that celebrating Christ’s birth should include a self-indulgent escapade down Fat Girl Lane?!)

I am making an effort to change my family’s eating habits, as well. I am meal planning and including fruits and veggies at each meal. Come summer break, I will change my schedule at work so that I am home 3 nights a week, instead of only one… That will improve a lot of things in my family. Rick’s a great man. A wonderful husband. And a great dad. But he’s still a lousy mother and housewife!

Brave Little Lukers

well, I added this photo after writing the blog... Once I knew where I was headed. I love the dried ketchup on Luke's chin in this shot... I gotta take the photos when I can get 'em--No prep time!

I'm not sure what I have to say right now. But the kids are all in bed and if I go to bed right now, Rick and I will talk for an hour and we'll both be too tired for tomorrow. So I am hiding in the living room in front of the computer.

I stayed home from work today. I thought I was developing seasonal allergies, but as it turns out, I think I have a cold. The fatigue that comes with sickness is so no fun. I have way too much to do to be stuck on the couch snoozing all day.

I am grateful it seems to only be a cold and not the flu again. That was horrible! The weather has been fabulous here this past week. It was delightful to head outdoors with my family. We went on a bike ride Sunday afternoon. It ultimately kicked my butt--it was worth it, though. We rode out to Battery Clark in Ft Stevens and played hide and seek. I've got my first sticker bush scratches of the year... Awesome!

Saturday was super sunny, too. I had the windows open and I was just enjoying the sunny family day. The big boys were doing something that didn't involve a screen or any arguing. Sarah and I were hanging up a ginormous pile of clean clothes. Rick and Luke were jumping on the trampoline together.

Next thing I know, Luke is crying and they're both headed for the front door. Luke's got blood dripping from his chin and it looks like he'll need some stiches. He got three stiches on his chin... Prior to the procedure, the doctor warned that she is not a plastic surgeon and there may be a scar, at which point, Rick pointed to his own chin and proclaimed that chin scars are genetic.

At first Luke did not want me to take any pictures of it, but he's feeling less pain and more pride at having survived the ordeal. I'm glad it wasn't worse... And I guess those darn blue pads that go around the edge of the trampoline are important... I'll add it to my list of summer purchases!

Oh, the nyquil is kicking in... Good night...

Hair today, gone today, too!

Anyone who has known Rick and I for long, you know that we've always kept our boys' hair short--like military short. Before we even had kids, we had shears for Rick's Army hair cuts. And we have proudly kept the tradition with our boys. We have even talked at length in our family about the hair cuts that would and would not ever be allowed... No mohawks, rat tails or mullets. No exceptions! (fear the mullet) I have always liked short hair on boys (well, except Sawyer on LOST, but that's another blog entirely. Is it getting warm in here? Anyway... ) and thought we'd always have short-haired boys. I expected that Rick's resolve would be stronger than mine. So, I was quite surprised at the beginning of the school year when our family morphed into a longer hair phase of life.

As a teen I absorbed many lessons about life and parenting. One of the things I remember was a lesson taught by one the wives of a church official. She had teenage boys at the time and she talked about when to be flexible with your standards as a parent and when to stand your ground. She specifically mentioned hair style/length and I accepted the wisdom behind her words. She encouraged parents to give a little when it comes to fashion statements like hair, allowing kids some room to express themselves, while vigilantly preserving the more fundamental family values like drinking, drugs and sexual activity. That made a whole lot of sense to me. Until I became a mom and had these little representatives of my parenting walking around the world. It's a whole new ball game when you become a parent... And as tough as it is for me sometimes to let my kids make their own choices, I know it's best to teach them my values and then trust them to make good choices for themselves... But sometimes (and most of the time when they are as young as mine still are) I have a huge say in their everyday choices--screen time, nutritional options, clothing choices, leisure time activities, and hairstyle--sometimes.

This past summer our boys wanted to grow their hair out. Long. How long, I'm not quite sure. So Rick and I compromised. We recognize that fitting in with peers and keeping up with the latest fashions (and making independent choices) is all a part of the childhood experience. We had at least one shirt with that stupid little alligator on the front. So we let the boys grow their hair out, with the agreement that they would get a short hair cut on the last day of school. It was my intention to encourage periodic trimmings along the way, but Elijah has not been interested and Gabriel only got one, right after school started. (Yeah, it has been my intention to have a clean house, too... so much for my intentions)

As it turns out, I kind of like my boys' longer hair. There are days, of course, that they look wild. But having a hair-do to match their personality isn't a bad thing, I guess. Sometimes I would look at older photos from and miss that military buzz, but overall I have enjoyed the experience. So, I was a little disappointed and a lot surprised when Gabriel announced that he wanted a hair cut. Tonight. Rick hopped right out of bed and jumped at the chance to indulge what I bet he perceived as an impulsive choice. (I'm not sure Rick has been as fond of the new do's as I have been).

So, there it is... Gabriel grew his hair out for almost 6 months with no cuts. And he got sick of it. He plans on growing it back out again, but wants more frequent trims this time... I can manage that. (Get ready, Amber... you're gonna have some more regulars soon). I am guessing Elijah is going to hold out to the end (of the school year, that is... Come the last day, his curly locks will fall to the bathroom floor, too)... That's just Elijah's way. Maybe I can talk him into a trim between now and then. I can always bribe him, if need be...

All this talk about hair cuts makes me anxious for my own. I plan on donating my hair again this spring, but lately I have wanted to expedite the process. It's long enough now, but I will enjoy (or endure, depending on the day) my long hair a few more months... maybe!

Happy Valentine's Day

Well, I recently found out that I can no longer access my blog at work... So my blogs will be less often. At work I can hammer out a blog on my break. I don't get breaks at home really. Right now Rick and the kids are watching "Dodge Ball" but that could all change at the drop of a hat...

Today is Valentine's Day. Sometimes I feel like holidays are like money... Having someone to celebrate with me is no big deal, really, but not having someone seemed so huge when I was single. I remember always feeling like New Year's and Independence Day were holidays best spent with a honey... Maybe it's the kissing and fireworks. Whatever the reason, I felt pretty alone without a partner on those holidays. Now that I am happily married, I feel like today (and other holidays) is just another comfortable day in my wonderful life. I got Rick some chocolates and he got me flowers and a gift. That exchange was nice, but I would have been okay without it, too. I KNOW Rick loves me. He's my Valentine everyday. He does more for me on a daily basis than any amount of flowers and gifts could fulfill... Don't get me wrong, I love gifts and flowers... I just love having a strong, stable marriage and family--with or without flowers. And I know flowers and gifts don't make a family. But they are a nice extra touch...

So, Happy Valentine's Day to all.... I hope everyone has a true Valentine on whom they can rely. I'm grateful I do!! :)

Urban Dictionary

So, the latest Facebook thing is to find your name at urbandictionary.com and post the definition of your own name. Well, I looked up my husband's name and was pleasantly surprised to see this...

"Be close to guys named Rick. They are good loyal friends. Ricks are athletic and kind. Soon, you might just see yourself dating a Rick after being friends with him for awhile. Ricks would rather hang out with real, down to earth girls then whores or people that dress like sluts. If you are a simple nice down to earth girl, he will fall for you so quick. Ricks respect relationships and other people in general. Ricks are amazing and they are not fake!! They are cute and good kissers. :-)"

Followed by this...

"A human with a severe lack of common sense, and powerfully apathetic towards his/her deficiency."

The contrast and the underlying truths in each statement made me laugh out loud in my office. (I do that from time to time. It could be embarrassing, if anyone ever heard. Or cared. My office partner is used to my strangness, I'm sure.) To be fair, my Rick does not lack common sense, but he is rather apathetic to his other deficiencies... Which is really something I admire about him most of the time. He simply and truly does not care what anyone thinks of him. Including me. That's the part that pisses me off!!! He is cute and a good kisser, though, so I put up with those deficiencies of his.

Gratitute continued

Today I am grateful for the fullness of my life. I am never bored. I don't like being bored. There are many times I wish I could be less busy, but I am so thankful for all the wonderful blessings that fill my life.

I am grateful to have a house full of family. I am grateful for all the half-finished craft and sewing projects filling my craft room. I am grateful that my upcoming weekend will be filled with scrapbooking, friends, food and laughter.

I am grateful that even though it takes me away from my family, I have a good paying, stable, fun job in this economy. (My husband has a good job, too!) My job is full of challenges and opportunities to grow and connect and create and stretch myself.

I am grateful that I have closets full of clothes for my children to wear. Shelves full of books for my children to read. Boxes, corners, drawers and couch cushions full of toys for my children to play with. Cupboards full of food to eat.

I am grateful to have a mind full of knowledge and ideas and thoughts and opinions and creative energy. I am grateful that even though I struggle with my weight, I never go hungry. Even though my budget is tight, I never can't pay my bills. Even though my house is messy and noisy, I never go without hugs and kisses and smiles and laughter and songs and stories and love from my family.

I am so grateful for the fullness of my life. My cup overfloweth... yes, it's overflowing all over the floor and out into the yard. That's a good thing today.

Gratitude

I have so many things for which to be grateful. I am very good at complaining. Just yesterday Rick was trying to solve one of my many problems. At one point I just told him that I would be willing to stop complaining to him about that particular problem, but that I will continue to complain about it. I think he understood.

Despite my talent for bitching, I do have a lot of blessing. I recognize this. I thank God daily for all that I have. I hope my gratitude is apparent in the way I live my life. And I hope my children learn gratitude from their grouchy old mom.

Speaking of children, Luke is someone I am grateful for today. It amazes me each time I consider that my "baby" is nearly 5 years old! Where does the time go? Since he is not yet in school, I get extra time with him during the week. Today we went grocery shopping. I am inbetween funds this week, so we returned bottles to help pay for groceries. As usual, the bottle return machines were not working properly and there was a crazy (and that is my professional opinion, BTW) person ahead of us in line. It took nearly 30 minutes to get this project done and we only made $5... It doesn't seem worth most days! But Luke and I had fun singing and dancing. We made "friends" with a cooky (not quite crazy, but a little off) old fisherman while we waited for the girl to fix the machine three times!

While we were shopping, we passed by a local man I recognized. He is a rather large man who usually has an oxygen tank in his cart. He strikes me as someone who has never taken good care of himself and it shows in his appearance. He doesn't seem to be the friendliest, most open of persons, either. Well, when we wheeled our cart past him, Luke piped up, "That's a fat guy" or something similarly rude and embarrassing. I, of course, reminded Luke that such verbal observations are rude to share.

A little while later we wheeled past this tiny, old lady, at which point Luke observed, "Well she's a tiny, little shopper!" This kid brightens even my darkest days. He makes me smile even when he being a big pain the butt! I am grateful for my little Lukers!

I would like to add four other things for which I am grateful, but it's 8:59pm and I go home at 9pm. So, I am grateful to be getting off now... 2 outta 3 ain't bad... :)

I don't know that I have anything in mind to say. I just know that it's been awhile since I've written and I'd like to add my two cents... I changed the look of my blog to match the holiday this month--Valentine's Day. I love the idea of decorating to match the season or the holiday, though I've never really had the wearwithall to actually follow through. I always sort of thought that having children in the house would spur me to create wonderful and amazing projects to display around the house. Really, kids just leave me exhausted and thoughtless by the end of the day.

They are so much work--children, that is. Well, and seasonal decorations, too. In October the kids came home with tons of color pages and craft projects for Halloween. And they always want to keep all of the work they bring home. Even the math worksheets. The ones they didn't even finish or do well on. I would have to rent a storage unit to keep all the school papers Sarah and Elijah want me to keep. I ask them to pick out their top favorites and then I get to make the final choice. Everything else goes in the recycle bin. I think it breaks their hearts that I do this. I hope their psyches are not too badly damaged by my callus disregard for their homework assignments.

Anyway, starting back in October, the kids had lots of art to display, so I decided to use clothes pins to hang their projects from the valance of our sliding door shades. It was a brilliant plan. In November, we replaced the Jack-O-Lanterns and ghosts with cornacopias and colorful turkeys. In December we changed it up with Rudolf and various renditions of Santa Claus...

Well, now it's February and Rudolf's nose has faded in the sunlight... I guess it's time to brake out the dollies and make some Valentine artwork for display... Then it'll be St. Patrick's Day and then Easter... Followed by another long break in the holiday themes. I bet I'll be trading Easter Bunny pictures for Independence Day displays...

But I am really getting ahead of myself now. I haven't even started on the Valentine's Day stuff. And this is how it is. One thing leads to another, until I find myself standing in a room, wondering what the heck I came in here for! I can't even keep the crap off my floors. My baseboards are actually embarrassing. My window sills are scary! And I'm worried about matching my kids' art display to the season... No wonder my house is messy and I can't remember what I'm doing...

At least I know I am raising some happyish kids. They sure do argue a lot. I'm pretty sure they love each other. I know they depend on each other. That's all I really want for my family. No matter what kind of decorations are hanging. Or how gross the baseboards are looking. And yes, there is still a "fresh" wreath hanging on our front door. I should just add some hearts and call it good!