April Fools

I have been wanting to blog for days now, but I never have the time... Well, Rick just went to bed and I hate going to bed the same time he does because we just end up talking and then he doesn't get enough sleep and that stresses me out... And I'm irritated with him, so I'd rather hang out with my qwerty than my schmoopy tonight.

So, my blog idea for the week is one that I have been debating about all week. For those of you who know me (which is a really stupid thing to write in a blog read by only people who know me!), this may come as a surprise. But I am trying to be a little more polished in my life, so the following topic may not be in line with my new goals. But sometimes delicate matters just need to be brought out into the open. Why am I trying to be more polished, do you ask? Because the world is full of crass, rude, incondsiderate people. It takes more effort to be refined, so I'm giving it a try. No one watching me would probably be able to see a decernable difference, but as long as I know it's there, then I'm doing okay I guess... And maybe if my kids catch me cussing less often, then that's a good thing, too.

So, the controvertial topic? Periods. They suck... I hate them. I hate everything about them. And now that I am done baring children, they are nothing less than ritualized torture. For everyone. The cramps and mess aren't even the worst of it. It's the pre-menstral part that's the kicker... And what is that anyway?! Menstration isn't bad enough? We've got to have PRE-menstration, too!!?!?

It's like a week of doom before the bomb explodes. The mood swings. The pre-cramp cramps. The weight gain! 3-5 lbs?! That's just not fair. I have decided to stop weighing myself during the week of my period. It's never accurate and my hormones are so out of whack that I can not think rationally about the situation. I just see a huge weight gain in a week's time and feel like a huge, insane, bloated whale.

The mood swings seem to be getting worse for me. I know when I'm in the middle of one, and there's a part of my brain that recognizes that my perception is totally skewed, but that small part of my brain is kept hostage by this maniacal, hysterical, sub-human creature. This beastly woman can not reason. She has no compassion or patience. She sees only malicous intent and evil-doers. She can't even do math! And I'm a prisoner to her power. She frightening and completely vulnerable at the same time. And she's got my body and mind in bondage. And she's mothering my children in my place. And managing my home and my marriage. It's terrifying...

And the cramps. If it's not bad enough that my mind is an irrational surge of emotion, hormones and cravings... My uterus is squeezing my insides with no mercy. It's like a scary, little Gestapo woman has entered my womb "vith vays of making me talk!"

And Heaven help the innocent by-stander who has no idea of the war waging inside this seemingly rational human being in front of them. One wrong word and I'm either crying or throwing punches or stone-cold silent. And the question was as simple as "paper or plastic, ma'am?"

Why must I continue to endure this retched torture? What purpose does it serve? It reminds my children that I don't love them that much. It gives my husband something to fear. And it makes me believe that PMS could be a valid plea in court, after all...