Life's Tough

There are days when my life is so perfect, I almost feel guilty for somehow steeling joy from others. On other days, I feel like I do more than humanly possible, only to be put upon to do more. Today was one of those days. I made the mistake of agreeing to make 8 custom-fitted dresses for an upcoming wedding. I have a husband, four kids, a full-time job and a life. What was I thinking?! I have made a rough schedule for myself over the next several days, mapping out what will be done on the dresses each day. I am keeping up on the regular household chores. I am mothering my children. Nurturing my marriage. Playing with my friends. Fulfilling my Church calling. And even spoiling my Job Corps students.

This afternoon I actually felt elated by the sheer volume of tasks I am able to accomplish in a 24-hour period. And then I returned to work for my evening shift and was met with a totally self-absorbed, completely insensitive young woman who was put out that I made brownies instead of maraschino cherry cake. She made her displeasure known to the entire group. This is a student with whom I am close, which is probably why it bothered me so much. When I dislike a person, I pay little attention to their opinions. But I have invested a lot into my relationship with this young lady. And she was a total terd! I was pissed! Then hurt. And now resolved to accept that this job is not always as rewarding as I’d like it to be. And that the real work is being done within the walls of my own home.

Of course, then that send me down the I-wish-I-could-still-be-home-with –my-kids road… and that’s a painful ride. BUT, the bills don’t pay themselves, so here I am, stuck at work on an evening I’d rather be home with my family. My groups are done. My paperwork is all caught up. And still I sit here, in this tiny office, all alone. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my alone time. But I have kids at home who really need me and for whom I can do more good than my students. Like I said, most days I am overwhelmed by the blessedness of my life. Tonight I’m just a little uneasy with my paying job. I miss my kids and my husband and my home. Oh, woe is me…